An Endorsement For Apple Pie Over All Other Pies As We Approach Thanksgiving

I won’t go into my romanticization of Thanksgiving as we all know how great it is.  All I’ll say is that the pilgrims and Native Americans didn’t put their differences aside and break bread to be disrespected in any way.  Whether it’s the best day of the year or not can and will be debated until the end of time.  But what’s indisputable is that Thanksgiving is the best food day of the year.  The basics are fine so long that they’re done right.  I can breakdown the early dishes, appetizers, hors d’oeuvres, and crudités for hours.  But I won’t.  I can sit here and hammer away at the main course while you continue to tell yourself that you “don’t even like turkey”.  But I will not.  Let’s talk sweets, people.

Dessert is a struggle on Thanksgiving obviously.  One could say it’s tough to stomach…but I won’t.  You hate yourself long before Aunt Cindy sets up dessert on the counter.  The infamous Itis has already done its damage.  You can’t even see the TV anymore as a result of tryptophan overload.  But it’s our duty as American people to persevere through the final course on Turkey Day.  We muster up the fortitude to put our digestive complications on the back burner. Cookies, cakes, pies, and assorted pastries galore.  It’s decision time.

Lots of love this time of year for pies, mainly Pecan, Pumpkin, and Apple.  I’m here to announce that Apple Pie is the superior pie to all pies.  The only argument you can make for any other pie on Thanksgiving is that Apple Pie is great year round whereas the others may be seasonal.  It’s a fair argument albeit an incorrect one.  Apple Pie is the only choice after stuffing your fat face with carbs and gravy.  There’s nothing better.  Pie doesn’t get a fair shake in my opinion, and I can actually understand it.  I’d prefer cookies and cakes to pies almost any day of the year, but apple pie usurps them all.  If it’s an Apple Crumb Pie, even better.  Crumb me up baby!  Put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of that slice and go to town.  Don’t fall for the allure of Pecan Pie (gross).  Don’t feel obligated to succumb to the calendar and side with Pumpkin Pie.  These folks went balls deep in Apple Pie and Apple Pie only, trust me.  Happy Thanksgiving.

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