Traveling With Bananas Is A Near Impossible Task But I May Have Solved It As This Was Written

I brought this up on the Twitter a week or 2 ago and finally decided I needed to speak on it in more depth.  It’s so hard to go from point A to point B with a banana.  Your trek could be 15 minutes or 3 hours, but if a banana goes into your bag, it comes out looking brown and beat up.  Last week I left my house with a banana that I claimed to be “not ripe enough”.  It had shades of green on it.  I put said banana in my Herschel backpack that had very few belongings into it, certainly nothing big or heavy enough to damage my banana.  Didn’t matter.  It was brown as fuck.

So what are my options?  What are our options?  We shouldn’t be forced to slice our banana intake.  But yet here we are, at the mercy of a piece of fruit because its protection is weak.  Out of principle I’m still gonna eat bananas in the morning.  I refuse to be bullied around by my own breakfast.  I’ve already ruled out buying fruit from those makeshift popup kiosks on the street corners.  Fuck that shit.  When I sent out the bat signal regarding this bruised banana epidemic, the support was flowing in quickly and rapidly.

Amongst the suggestions I got from people, the most common was to buy a banana case.  Yep, that’s right.  It’s shaped like a dick, made of plastic, and apparently conducive to maintaining the sanctity of any banana.  It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.  Obviously, I won’t be caught dead with one of those things.  The most ridiculous suggestion I got was to BUBBLE WRAP my banana.  It’s so far fetched and out there that it just might work.  But can you imagine rolling up to the office, plopping down in your chair after a grueling commute only to be nagged my coworkers and superiors all day, and taking a bubble wrap-wrapped banana out of your bag?  That’s rock bottom.  The person who recommended the bubble wrap method is someone I consider to be a close friend.  Our relationship is now under review.  He also said I could re-use the bubble wrap as if that’s normal too.  Crazy.

In summation, I conclude that there is no solution at this time.  Either get your potassium fix before you leave home, elect another fruit, or just deal with it.  I love bananas.  I’m going to deal with it.  Maybe just buy green bananas and instead of waiting a week for them to ripen just put em in your bag and head to work.  Speed up the ripening process.  Holy shit did I just crack the case?!


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