Evidently It’s Bad To Wash Down Cookies With Milk, So I’m Here To Defend Milk’s Good Name

The Daily Meal: There’s something just so perfect about a chocolate chip cookie with a tall glass of milk. After sinking your teeth into the gooey, chewy, chocolate-chunked dough, nothing feels more satisfying than the creamy, light-colored drink to wash it down.  But if you’re looking to avoid feeling any kind of terrible after eating your treat, you should probably avoid the milk. …

You know how after a cone of ice cream, a soda, or (obviously) a cookie, all of a sudden you feel excessively thirsty? … That’s because the sugar particles are swirling through your bloodstream, collecting more and more water from the rest of your body. Noticing the sudden imbalance, your brain sends you those pesky thirst signals. This is why the glass of milk feels just so satisfying after your last bite. But milk just adds more sugar to your system, unbalancing the hydration equation even further. … Instead, try washing the cookie down with some water instead of another hydrating (but possible sugary) drink.

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Last time I was here to express my thoughts on milk via the written word, I was pretty critical of milk.  And I standby what I said.  Milk by itself is for kids U10, old people (such as Happy Gilmore’s grandma), and weirdos.  I also said that milk is more or less a necessity sometimes, for example with cereal and cookies.  I said that.  Opinions are opinions, and we’re all allowed to have our own.  God knows I have plenty of em, and I’m not afraid to make them public.  I respect all opinions, even this one that claims I should not drink my milk after dipping cookies into it.  It’s an offensively incorrect opinion, but I respect (and disagree) with it.

The first sentence of the article that I omitted from my abridged copy states that dipping cookies in milk is fine.  GLAD WE CAN AGREE THAT DIPPING COOKIES IN MILK IS ACCEPTABLE.  Way to go out on a limb with that one!  Thank you so much for permitting me to dip my Chips Ahoy’s into some milk!  What a humanitarian!  But to suggest that after I’m done with my cookies, I should choose not to finish that milk and instead elect water is absolutely ridiculous.  Don’t tell me what to do or what not to do.  And especially keep your trap shut when it comes to milk and cookies.  The entire free world pairs milk and cookies together, and never once has a rational human forced WATER into the equation.  You know why?  That’s because there’s no room at the table for water when milk and cookies are in attendance.

It would actually be impossible for me, personally, to do so because I always drop my last cookie into the milk so that I literally have to drink the milk to get the cookie.  So keep your health tips inside your home and stop pontificating about how we should live our lives.  Exactly zero people are gonna be convinced to swap out milk for water after reading that article.  Milk and cookies are as American as anything.  How dare you?!

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