New Study Confirms That You Don’t Want To Peak In High School

ABC:  Although high school students may think popularity is of the utmost importance, a new study found that it may not lead to long-term happiness.  What mattered more, according to the study published in the journal Child Development, is whether the teens had close friendships they maintained over time. “Youth with higher levels of attachment to their best friends appear to have better psychological health, psychosocial adjustment, and even a more adaptive stress response during adolescence,” the study authors said. “In general, adolescents with high-quality close friendships report higher rates of overall happiness than those without.” …

Teens who put an emphasis on “gaining or maintaining their peer affiliation preference rather than focusing on forming stronger close friendships” did not fare as well in the long-term. The authors said those teens may be have been more focused on status and short-term rewards or relationships, which do not have the same positive long-term emotional benefits as being in a reciprocal, positive friendship.


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It’s official.  If you peaked in high school, you’ve lost.  These rumors have been circling since the beginning of time, but today we can put an end to any and all speculation.  Write it down in ink.  It’s more important to have close friends than temporary social status.  Foster those mothafuckin relationships so that you don’t peak on Senior Prom Weekend (granted, that’s one helluva weekend).

I definitely didn’t peak in high school.  Athletically I peaked in 8th grade, and it’s been a steep downhill plummet since age 14.  Professionally?  If I’ve peaked as a workingman then please kill me.  I’d like to think I haven’t even gotten started yet.  Everything I’ve done up to this point is only the tip of the iceberg.  Then again, every time I eat a whole mess of buffalo wings I think to myself, “What’s better than this?  How can it get better than this?” At that moment, I think I’ve peaked.  Alas, it’s only a micro-level, short-term satisfaction.  I’m left only with a mountain of napkins on my table.

But this isn’t (all) about me.  This is about all those kids you were jealous of in high school, those kids with which you tried to mix circles and chop it up.  Tight adolescent friendships lead to long-term happiness?  Sure, why not?!  Obviously this “study” is silly.  We can all list 10 names off the top of our heads of “cool kids” from high school that are fucking LOSERS now.  You know the type.  They probably make dick working a bullshit sales job, and these are the ones who’ve “made it” out of that crew.  The others are working part time because they have no life skills.  And the worst part?  They know they peaked.  You won’t hear it from their mouths, but they know it deep down.  For an encore, ABC will prove that water is wet.

While they were partying their way through high school, smoking weed, drinking Miller Lite cans, posting those pictures on Facebook, and getting suspended for the aforementioned pictures, I was getting by on straight guile and charm, baby.  The “peaked in high school” crowd doesn’t even know what guile means.


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