This Is My Preemptive Refusal From Riding The Subway Ever Again

Attention reader:

This piece of writing has been written prior to the potential event actually happening.  It may never happen.  But on the off chance that it does, I wanted to lay out my plan in advance as a precursor.  This is in preparation for this or something like this happening.  What I’m talking about is seeing a rat on the subway platform.  And if/when that occurs, that will be the last time I take an NYC subway.  Let me make myself clear.  If I ever see a rat on the subway platform, I will not take the subway anymore.

A rat on the tracks is one thing.  In fact, that’s par for the course.  I’m not saying I like it because I surely do not.  I find that when I’m waiting for a train, my eyes find their way to the tracks to scope out any rats.  But whenever I see one I want to puke and then jump in front of the next train.  Why I do that, I do not know.  Maybe it’s to humble myself and remind my conscious that I’m on their territory.  They were born underground, I’ve merely adopted it as a means of one way travel.  Nevertheless, rats freak me out.  I saw one on the street one time and nearly screamed.

The odds of seeing a diseased-ridden rodent up on the platform that New Yorkers walk on is slim but by no means impossible.  Umm have you not heard of pizza rat?  No thank you.  So this is a promise from me to you.  If the unfortunate scenario plays out of me being on the same level (below ground) as a rat, it’ll be the last time that happens because I pledge to never step foot on a New York City subway again from that moment forward.  Anyone can react this way after the fact, but I have the foresight to plan ahead.  I’ll walk, I’ll uber, I’ll Citi Bike, but you won’t find me below ground again.

That goes for on an actual subway car as well.  But should that happen, I’ll ask the nearest passenger to simply kill me.

 


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