How Long Is Too Long To Be On House Arrest?

It was a typical Tuesday night with nothing on TV.  Tuesdays are always rough TV nights generally, so I resorted to network TV and movie channels.  First I watched The Wall on NBC; it’s a cool and refreshing concept for a game show, but everybody always wins.  We need to see someone get their guts ripped out and leave with nothing.  I lucked out with How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, but it was almost at its end; major bummer considering there’s no better chick flick out there.  Disturbia had just started on TNT; fine, let’s boogie.  If anyone can salvage a lackluster Tuesday it’s Shia LaBeouf.  His track record speaks for itself, and although Disturbia is no Oscar winner, it’s a fine piece of cinematic art that would suffice my search.

As soon as I landed on TNT, three notes popped up in my brain.  Firstly, Shia LaBeouf is awesome.  Secondly, the neighbor girl is super hot.  And finally, being on house arrest seems pretty awesome.  And that’s where we land now on this here website, writing about house arrest.  Specifically, I wonder how long is too long to be on house arrest.  There’s no doubt it would be awesome for some period of time, but every man has his breaking point.  Immediately you may think that being restricted to the confines of your house would be horrible.  You may think that, but you would be wrong.  I am fascinated by the idea of house arrest.

There are a lot of variables and moving parts that play a role in determining the ultimate answer.  Everybody has a different tolerance to all of these factors, so your answer is probably different than mine.  Some people like being alone, others can’t keep themselves occupied.  Let’s break it down.  Obviously you’d need someone to bring you things (groceries, etc.).  If you live with your parents, that’s an easy solution.  And if you don’t, let’s say you have to move back home with your parents or utilize your roommates for assistance.  Right off the bat, the deal is you can remain on house arrest for however long or short you choose.  Should you decide to end your confinement, you can pick up your life where you left it; same job, etc.

It would be an entire novel to break down every single element in this algorithm.  But I’ll highlight a few obvious pros and cons.  You’ll never have to wait in a line.  Boom, what a beautiful thing.  Imagine how much time we waste standing around waiting for things.  Fuck that.  No more of that if you’re on house arrest.  Face-to-face interaction is limited and can theoretically be a complete non-factor should you so choose.  If you want to not have guests, you won’t have to see anybody aside from the people you live with.  On the other hand, people may be more willing to come visit if they don’t mind associating with a house arrestee (even if behind closed doors).  However much or little you value human interaction would decide whether or not it becomes a pro or a con.  Personally, I have no problem hanging out by myself because nobody loves me more than me.  But at the same time, I thrive in social environments and would love some visitors to drop by and say hey.

My outlining here was pretty much all over the place, and for that I apologized.  Sometimes the excitement of house arrest gets me all frazzled and unorganized.  After taking a look at all of the information, my brain has crafted an algorithm which has spit out the answer.  I would love to be on house arrest for 6 months.  Seems like a grand ol time.  I could get used to spending quality time with myself.  Nobody gets me like I do.


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