Nickelodeon Theme Park To Replace The Disaster Known As Xanadu

NJ: Welcome to the Meadowlands, SpongeBob Squarepants. The undersea cartoon is one of the Nickelodeon properties that will be part of a theme park announced for American Dream Meadowlands. Triple Five, the developer of American Dream, and Nickelodeon say Nickelodeon Universe will be the largest indoor theme park in the Western Hemisphere at 8.5 acres. Its rides and attractions will be based on Nickelodeon characters like SpongeBob, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Blaze and the Monster Machines. …

American Dream covers about 3 million square feet and has signed up tenants including Saks Fifth Avenue and Lord & Taylor. Aside from the indoor amusement and theme parks, the complex will include a 16-story indoor ski slope, a 285-foot Ferris wheel, a Sea Life Aquarium and Legoland Discovery Center. …

The project was first proposed under the name Xanadu in 2002, but was racked by a series of delays that have left it unfinished. Triple Five, New Jersey and previous developers have poured billions of dollars into American Dream.

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It’s about time.  Xanadu was the biggest disaster in New Jersey’s history, way worse than any blizzard or hurricane.  This gigantic ugly structure has plagued the Meadowlands for as long as I can remember.  I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be an indoor ski slope with a hotel and mall attached.  All in all, it was a terrible idea.  An indoor ski slope doesn’t fundamentally make any sense to me anyway.  It was a preposterous concept and it looks fucking ridiculous.  For years I’ve been hearing rumors about it being finished or knocked down.  Finally we have an answer: a Nickelodeon theme park.  I have no interest in indoor theme parks, but any idea is better than letting a vacant orange ramp continue to rot away in East Rutherford.

I have no opinion one way or the other on this new plan.  Assuming it actually comes about and materializes, I suppose I’m all for it.  I’ve been irrationally angry for more than half my life because of this stupid building doing nothing other than take up precious space, it’s about time they fill it with human people.  Realistically they should have turned it into a casino.  If the lawmakers would open their eyes and realize that sports gambling would bring stupid amounts of revenue to the state, then the race track and what-used-to-be-Xanadu could coexist in harmony, serving as one entertainment epicenter for sports gambling.

A giant food court also wouldn’t have been a terrible idea.  Bust out some windows on the side of that colossal incline and stick an Applebees on the top level.  Boom, dollar signs.  Maybe a Dave & Buster’s.  I’m an ideas guy, someone should have called me years ago.  I would have loved to get involved in revamping a project that was at the bottom of the garbage bag.  But for now I’ll sit behind my keyboard masked by anonymity on a Friday night in the darkness of my bedroom dungeon.  Yeah so what, who’s askin?


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