If You’re Not In Your Seat By The End Of The 1st Quarter It’s No Longer Your Seat

There’s nothing worse than people saving seats for people who decide not to show up on time.  “Oh you can’t sit there, my buddy is on his way here despite the fact that half the game has already been played.”  How about fuck you?  Your buddy is making you look like a real jerkoff putting you in a weird position where you’re forced to defend his tardiness.  But you’re here and your buddy is not, so now I hate you.  It’s unreasonable to ask that all fans are in their seats before kickoff.  But by the end of the first quarter, if you’re not there, you should be SOL.  Here’s what I’m proposing: a simple seat swap.  End of the first quarter comes, your seat is empty, I sit in your seat.  When you show up in the 2nd quarter, you take my ticket and enjoy the walk up to the cheap seats because you’re an asshole who can’t make arrangements to show up on time.  The ticket you previously owned now belongs to me.  And my folded paper Stubhub print out ticket belongs to you.  By the time you get up there it’ll be halftime, but that won’t matter to you because time is irrelevant in your world.  The best is when they show up and act surprised to see someone else in their seats.  Uhhh yeah buddy, the game started 45 minutes ago.  It ain’t my fault you spent the morning at Trader Joes with your skank hooker wife and didn’t leave for the game until 30 minutes before.  If you can’t get to the game by the end of the first quarter, you’re not a fan.  That’s almost impossible to do.  If you cared about being at the game you would have arrived promptly with the other 75,000 people.

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