Man, today was a disappointing day. I didn’t know what surprises life was going to throw my way, but when I crossed paths with a dragonfruit, I felt it in my bones that today was going to ROCK. Here I am at a company potluck lunch, which was better than expected by the way, and on the dessert table, not so coincidentally centered in the room, was a dragonfruit. Needless to say, I had dessert before my lunch. Real rebellious stuff like you read about. I didn’t even take a lap around the room, I had to get my paws on some dragonfruit because, let’s face it, when’s the next time an opportunity to eat dragonfruit will present itself? The only guarantees in life are death, taxes, and a Harry Potter marathon being on TV every weekend.
I grabbed a piece off the platter with my hand, at a company function mind you. Nobody said anything. They probably knew that all bets are off when it comes to dragonfruit. The excitement ended there. It was not good. It did not taste like anything. It was barely sweet. I looked around the room to see if anyone had locked eyes with me. I was looking for visual support, for someone to give me that face that says “I know man, I know. And I’m sorry”. That did not happen. I was alone at the dessert table, disappointed and disheartened. I’ve never tasted something more underwhelming in my entire life. How can something that looks so crazy taste so mundane? I thought maybe I had gotten a bad piece, nothing uncommon when it comes to fruit. But I grabbed a second piece from the opposite side of the platter. Same thing. What a motherfuckin let down.
I recommend you all get out there and try dragonfruit. Try it once, question why it was so unimpressive, grab a second piece in hopes of redemption, and then that’s it. I hereby walk away from dragonfruit forever. Sticking to the basics from now on. Bananas, peaches, blueberries, strawberries, apples, oranges, watermelon. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I felt an obligation to bring forth this troubling finding. Sorry.