Anyone Who Works In New York And Carries A Drawstring Bag Should Be Fired And Banished Indefinitely

One of the best (and worst, depending on the day) parts of working in NYC is being able to people watch.  There’s no telling what kind of creature you may cross paths with.  Last week I saw a guy naked in Times Square; butt naked, wouldn’t cooperate with police, yelling about Donald Trump, just naked, not even wearing socks.  I wonder if he showed up like that or if he put his stuff somewhere.  Do you think he told someone “hey watch my things I’ll be right back”?  There’s a crazy guy on the subway platform on 53rd and 5th who yells about lesbians being in control of the government and how Chinese nuclear weapons are our biggest problems; he may not be wrong.  Sometimes it’s pure entertainment, other times it’s frustration and hopelessness.

I have seen a few people, virtually zero given the six million people that live in Manhattan, that wear nice suits every day to work and carry their things in a DRAWSTRING BAG.  Yes, those shitty ones that companies give out for free when you sign up for their sweepstakes.  Lots of times when I see someone doing or wearing something ridiculous I’ll blame their parents and/or friends for failing to speak up.  But this one is on you.  A drawstring bag?  How about you grow up one time.  No joke they look like middle school kids going on a field trip.  And they’re wearing a suit, that’s the thing.  If you’re wearing shorts and a tshirt and sneakers and have a drawstring bag, then fine.  You’re still a child in my eyes but I can at least look past that.  If you’re wearing a suit get a goddamn briefcase.  Or at least a backpack.  A real one.

Saw a kid on my bus the other day in a nice, blue suit.  Looked pretty good, had brown shoes and a matching belt on also, real sharp.  I’d bet he has some fancy internship or a sales gig.  He walks past me and I see he’s got a drawstring bag hanging over his shoulder.  Honestly the bus driver shouldn’t have let him ride.  And us passengers should have gave him a wedgie at the bare minimum.  It’s immature and somewhat suspicious.  Could have reported him just for safe measure.  NYC preaches the “if you see something say something” motto.  This is a perfect example.  Bro what are you thinking?  Everybody owns a backpack.  I can’t even remember the last time I used a drawstring bag because it was that long ago.

You are not fit to get paid by any legal employer if you carry your shit to work in a drawstring bag, you immature little fucker.  Get a bag made of leather ONE TIME!





2 thoughts on “Anyone Who Works In New York And Carries A Drawstring Bag Should Be Fired And Banished Indefinitely

  1. Love your writings. Just finished grand jury with your dad. I can see where you get your comedic wit from.

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