This List Of Ranked BBQ Side Dishes Is Preposterous

Deadspin: Let’s fight about ranking barbecue side dishes. Are you ready? Here we go:

  1. Hush puppies
  2. Cornbread
  3. Baked beans
  4. Vinegar slaw
  5. White bread/rolls/biscuits
  6. Corn on the cob
  7. Mac and cheese
  8. Collard greens
  9. Fries
  10. Green Salad
  11. Pasta salad
  12. Potato salad
  13. Succotash
  14. Being thrown off a dam
  15. Mayo coleslaw

It would take me from now until the last minute of summer to adequately compile this list, or at least a detailed, well thought out one.  We’ve just started to graze the surface of warm weather and the endless amount of BBQ food that comes with it.  Nothing better than that.  I’m getting excited in the pants just thinking about all of the burgers, dogs, steaks, ribs, chicken I’m going to shove into my face for the next 4 months.

If there was one accurate item on this list, it’s Mayo Coleslaw.  I’ve never been a coleslaw guy.  I want to enjoy it, I really do.  Every time I see it I have to try it in hopes that just maybe I can turn the corner be a coleslaw guy.  It’s disgusting.  I would have had no issues with omitting it from the list completely.  Even if you do like slaw, it doesn’t belong in the same conversation with some of the side dish legends listed above.  Absolutely belongs underneath “being thrown off a bridge”.  It was my understanding that all coleslaw had a mayo base but apparently there’s such thing as vinegar slaw.  Makes me want to puke all over myself.  Salt and Vinegar chips are repulsive.  Vinegar slaw can’t be much better.  Number FOUR on the list.  Whoever made this list probably has some weird infatuation with it and tried sneaking it into the top tier of the list like nobody would notice.  The fact that they hate regular slaw so much and loves VINEGAR slaw says everything you need to know about this person.  Confused palette and terrible taste.  Hey, fuck you and your vinegar coleslaw!

I can’t say that I’ve ever had a hush puppy.  But I’ll tell you what.  They’re nonexistent up North.  You can’t name them the best BBQ side dish when half the country has never had one/doesn’t even know what they are.  For all I know they’re delicious.  I know they’re deep fried and so they’re no enemy of mine.  But when you’re in the company of all-time greats, everybody needs to know and love you.  Not the case with hush puppies.  I know Hush Puppies to be a shitty sneaker brand from the 90s more than being a delicious side to my ribs.

Couple more minor notes:

  • French fries aren’t really a BBQ side dish in my book.  Are they the best side dish of all time?  Yeah probably.  But let the real BBQ boys have their moment in the sun.
  • Anyone who thinks pasta salad is better than potato salad is an idiot.
  • Corn on the cob is one of the most under appreciated foods in all of the land; not only in terms of side dishes but in general.
  • Baked beans are delicious
  • Mac and cheese is a tough one for me because it can be a meal on its own.  Not sure if that makes it a strong side dish or that it should be ineligible altogether.  So good though.  The right mac and cheese is number one on the list.

 

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