I Have Suspended My Mother From Using Our Grill

You may have seen the story break on the Snapchat (@TheEricHammer is the new account by the way).  You may not have.  But my mother has been suspended from using the grill at our home.  I issued the suspension.  The suspension is indefinite and effective immediately.  Why such a harsh and abrupt reaction?  Well I’m glad you asked.  She left the gas on overnight, a cardinal sin and egregious wrongdoing in the BBQ world.  I come home to make dinner (that’s right, I made dinner), and I could literally smell that something was not right.  Turns out Mama Dukes never turned the gas off after using the grill the night before.  Unforgivable.  Who knows what could have happened?  My guess was the gas could have run out, but I would imagine something far worse could have materialized from this highly-avoidable situation.

I also have to note that it was established in advanced that when I got home I would make the executive decision on what dinner would be.  My choices were to grill burgers or have leftover chicken.  Leftovers was the easy way out, and everyone knows it.  Did I want to make dinner after a long day at work followed by a Thursday evening workout (that’s right, I worked out)?  Absolutely not.  But I thought it would be nice for my dad to come home to fresh burgers and grilled squash.  What a guy I am.  But my point is that what if I elected the chicken?  The gas would still be on.  The house would probably be in ashes by this point.  I don’t want the credit, but if you wanna call me a hero, you’re not wrong.

In regards to the suspension, it’s imperative that you are aware that this is not my mother’s first offense.  Back around Halloween time, she thought she could pour olive oil directly onto the grill to “baste” something.  Whole thing went up in flames.  At one point my mom looked at me and said “it’s fine” meanwhile our house was about to burn down.  This was quite literally the scene:

She was sentenced to no grill usage through Thanksgiving, essentially earning a one month suspension, and well deserved if I might add.  This was strike two, and in my opinion more serious than the first one.  So this suspension will last until further notice.  It may last forever, that’s really up to her.  Realistically she’ll probably cook dinner on the grill next week and I’ll forget all about it because coming home to a hot meal can make up for just about anything.

Side note: my dad thought it would be smart to deep fry a turkey on the wooden porch for Thanksgiving.  Guy literally had no clue how to use it but just started frying away like it was no big deal.  Didn’t know how to take the temp of the oil so when we dropped the turkey in the oil spilled all over the wooden porch.  I swear to god as soon as I move out I give it 90 days tops before the house is in ruins.




3 thoughts on “I Have Suspended My Mother From Using Our Grill

  1. If it was only that easy to shirk my responsibities, I would leave the stovetop on, water running and clothes in the washing machine!

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