Before I divulge, I am fully aware that this list may ruin some relationships. Friends may become enemies, acquaintances will return to strangers, but I’m at peace with that. We all have our opinions and emotions, so if our differences in favorite cereals are what tear us apart, then I can find solace in that. But in return I ask that you respect my list as it is a manifestation of childhood memories. There were major sentimental aspects that went into finalizing this list, so if we can respect one another and still disagree, I can deal with that.
The non-sugary cereal list is old news. This is the good stuff, the big time, the main event. Narrowing down to only ten was no easy feat, let me tell you. But I promised to deliver and I deliver I shall. I’ve sampled dozens of cereals in my day, and rarely have I come across a bowl I didn’t like. Early morning breakfasts, late night snacks, mid-day cravings. That’s the thing about cereal. It’s all good all the time. There’s no rules when it comes to cereal. Time of day is irrelevant, you simply pour, add the milk, sit back and enjoy.
And with that I present…
10. Golden Grahams
Motherfuckin Golden Grahams. What a cereal. Sneaky underrated and somewhat of a hidden gem. One of the best “just eat a handful because you don’t need milk” cereals out there.
This may sound crazy, but I may have had more bowls of Kix than any other cereal. I cannot even begin to tell you how many bowls I’ve had, mostly before school in my youngin days. It’s the most forgotten of all the cereals out there by a long shot. Gets me teary eyed just thinking about my Kix days. If you’re parents didn’t buy Kix on the reg, then you weren’t loved as a child.
8. Corn Pops
Easily a top 3 most underrated cereal of all time. The ONLY knock is that they get soggier than most others in a shorter time and lose some flavor. But with the appropriate cereal:milk ratio and the determination to beat the sogginess, it’s a near perfect cereal. Goddamn it are Corn Pops good.
7. Froot Loops
Show me someone who doesn’t love Froot Loops and I’ll show you a liar. Sturdy, strong, powerful, delicious. Always try to spoon up one of each color on the spoon but one always seems to float away in the milky rapids. Also I’m convinced I can do a blind taste test and distinguish each color/flavor from the others. Sneaky one of the funniest videos I’ve ever made was this exact test at Brower Commons at Rutgers. Never made it to the public scene but it was a classic. TOUCAN SAM.
6. Cookie Crisp
The worst thing Cookie Crisp ever did was change their mascot to a WOLF. You don’t associate Cookie Crisp with wolves. Nevertheless one of the greats of our time. That snobby bitch teach will never be forgiven for telling me I can’t have cookies for breakfast. Fuck outta here. Fun Fact I once went to a sleepaway basketball camp for a week and had a bowl of Cookie Crisp with every meal. 18 bowls in 6 days.
5. Cap’n Crunch
There is no more flavorful cereal (dry) on a piece by piece basis. Unparalleled taste with Cap’n Crunch. More than any other, Cap’n Crunch resonates with literally everyone. Some like the Peanut Butter or the Crunch Berries, but give me the classic red box and I’m all set. Creepy little mascot now that I actually think about it, but I digress. So good that it pains me to put 4 others ahead of it.
4. Honey Nut Cheerios
THE most underrated box in the aisle, undeniably. If you don’t have Honey Nut Cheerios in your personal top 5 at least, then you’re a poor judge of talent and taste, and I don’t take you seriously as a cereal eater. You probably don’t even know how much you love and RESPECT Honey Nut Cheerios. But every single time you sit down with a bowl, you’re never disappointed. In a world with so few guarantees, I thank god every day for Honey Nut Cheerios.
3. Frosted Flakes
What is there to even say about Frosted Flakes that’s not completely obvious and unanimously supported? They’re probably my favorite late night cereal snack, that’s something. One of the best late night snacks that nobody talks about. That is a sure fact. The progression of flavor that Frosted Flakes undertake is something to be spoken about. They almost take on a different flavor as they take on the milk. And it’s tremendous.
2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
I know I will take a ton of heat for not giving the highest accolades to Cinnamon Toast Crunch and nobody but Cinnamon Toast Crunch. If you ask 10 people what the best cereal is, 8 of them prob say CTC. And I have no arguments. “The taste you can see”, a tagline that will live on until the end of time. I’ll never not cherish watching the cinnamon swirls literally fall off the cereal and mold into the milk, becoming one big bowl of cinnamon-sugary deliciousness. A spoonful of CTC can go toe to toe with anything.
1. Fruity Pebbles
The GOAT. I get the vibe that not everyone has much experience with Fruity Pebbles and I pity those people. Anyone who’s anyone who’s had the luxury of sitting down in front of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles knows how legit they are. Smell the bowl before you add the milk and you’ll need new underwear. The only number one cereal.
Most Likely To Anger Everyone For Not Making My Top Ten:
- Cocoa Puffs – I’ll admit I’m not a huge chocolate guy. I would imagine people are up in arms about this not cracking the top 10, and I’m okay with that. To each his own, but they’re not for me.
- Lucky Charms – This is the one that I’m sure everyone was waiting to see as they scrolled down the page. Truth is Lucky Charms are incredibly overrated. I’ll go one further; there is no more overrated cereal. The marshmallows are gross, those aren’t real marshmallows. And the people who do like the marshmallows absolutely LOVE THEM, thus proving that it’s not a standalone cereal anyway.
- Reese’s Puffs – Too much going on for me. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are delightful. The cereal is subpar.
A few shout outs are in order for honorable mention.
- Trix – had they never done away with the individual fruit shapes, they’d probably be Top 10. Unforgivable move.
- French Toast Crunch – It literally pained me to not give them a Top 10 slot.
- Waffle Crisps – Delicious
- Grand Slam’s – A classic that only true cereal fans know about.
Anyone notice that each picture got progressively bigger as the rankings went up? No? Whatever fuck you then.