Is There Anything Worse Than Not Being Able To Open A Pistachio Nut Shell?

You know what really grinds my gears?  When I’m balls deep in a bag of pistachio nuts, fingers covered in salty dust, and I come across a shell I cannot crack.  There are some devilish twists that life throws at us, stubborn pistachio nuts ranking amongst the top.  It is so goddamn infuriating trying and failing to open a fucking pistachio nut.  I sit there trying to wedge my fingernails under one shell and get some leverage to break it open.  No such luck.  I resort to primal tactics and use my teeth.  Nothing.  At this point I realize I’ve wasted so much time that it would be insane to quit now.  But there is no breaching of that shell.  Fuckin Fort Knox.  So I either throw it back in the bag and run into the same problem later, or I have to throw it out.  I can’t believe we still have this problem in 2016.  If we can have gluten free/dairy free/fat free/sugar free everything, we should be able to guarantee access to every single pistachio nut out there.  I cannot IMAGINE how much total time I’ve wasted swinging and missing at pistachio nut shells.  It’s gotta be days.




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