If You’ve Never Read The Yelp Reviews For Tommy’s Bagels, Now Is The Perfect Time

Right of the bat let’s get one thing straight: the name.  For years it’s been up for debate.  Some call it Hot Bagels & Bialys (as the sign outside technically says).  Other people know it as Yorktown Bagels (based on location and simplicity).  I refer to it only as Tommy’s.  In my professional (loosely defined) opinion, the people who call it Hot Bagels don’t live in the immediate area.  They have another bagel store that they are more frequent customers at, which is totally fine.  Just know that nobody will respect you as a human for naming it Hot Bagels.  I’ll defend the name Tommy’s to my grave.  If you’re a regular, you know it’s Tommy’s.  Tommy is the Bagel King.  They’re his bagels, it’s his shop, so show the man his due respect.  Yorktown Bagels is a fine name if you live closer to another bagel store.  There’s really no reason to call it Yorktown Bagels other than having to describe the location BECAUSE you live closer to another one.  The veterans know it’s Tommy’s Bagels and nothing else.  Quite honestly I am sick and tired of the Great Name Debate.  *As long as we can all agree that they’re the best bagels around, we can all be friends.

Obviously I don’t need to tell you all the wonderful, positive things people had to say about Tommy’s because we’d be here all day.  If you’ve been there, you know they’re the real deal.  But there’s always going to be people who have a problem with something.  Some I can agree with, some I cannot and will not.  Let’s dissect.

1

I’ll agree with Lauren that those 2 older (European?) women who work there are less than pleasant.  Not only have I gotten attitude from them on multiple occasions, but they have screwed up my order more times than I’d like to admit.  I’m a strong believer that paper money will soon be obsolete and that credit cards should be accepted everywhere (which will eventually be ingrained into our fingerprints, haven’t worked out the logistics yet but just keep that on the back burner).  But a bagel store doesn’t need a credit card machine.  Poor Lauren S. over here obviously doesn’t understand how anything works, specifically that businesses pay fees per credit card transaction.  No need to swipe a card for a sesame bagel with butter.

 

2

Can’t argue with her.  But she’s from Morris Plains so she has some nerve to talk about my bagel store like that.  Never even heard of Morris Plains.

 

3

There’s a common theme developing here. Two times is a coincidence.  Three times means you have a problem.  But I can’t wrap my head around a person (named Cilla, nonetheless) who logs onto Yelp to leave a review for a place before they even ate solely because of the person behind the counter that wasn’t friendly to them.  Insane to leave a “one star for now” review without following up with a food review.  Fuck this chick and her Two Bridges.  Can’t say I’m surprised that she has 0 friends…

3b

 

 

4

I’m all for hyperbole and farfetched analogies but this one seemed a bit anti-Semitic at face value.  Tone it down, holy moly.  Also, you get what you deserve when you toast a bagel at Tommy’s.  They’re fresher than fresh.  Toasting the bagel is an injustice and a slap in the face to Tommy himself.

 

5

Bro, what?  A formal seating area with a waitress?  It’s a hole in the wall bagel shop that occupies like 200 square feet.  They’re cooking up bagels not prime rib you dick.  Fuck outta here with your seating area and wait staff.

This review almost has to be fake.  Nobody in their right mind would actually care about the legitimacy of a kosher certificate.  There are zero bagel stores in the entire world that are overseen by a rabbi around the clock.  “It doesn’t matter to me.”  Let’s call a spade a spade, James, because it obviously bothers you very much.  You can’t nit pick at something as ridiculous as a kosher certificate and then play both sides.  James A. is certified asshole.  How’s that for certification?

 

*The sheer fact that they can totally monopolize this area without a grill is incredible.  You know your bagels are levels above the rest when you don’t need bacon and eggs to justify your case.  Even the negative reviews couldn’t include a bad word about the bagels.  That’s telling.

 

 

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