Another New Year’s Eve in the books, another night of overinflated prices and unnecessary effort, and another day of overcrowded social media consisting of long/loud snapchats from last night, unoriginal Instagram captions, long/fake Facebook statuses, and too many tweets all about being hungover/tired. Hey maybe try to be an individual this year and do things because you want to, rid “FOMO” from your mind, and at least try to be funny and clever. I said it last year, and it remains true today: it’s pretty silly to make New Year’s resolutions. If you really wanted to change something you would have started yesterday or October 14th or May 6th. While the first day of the year is a fresh start in many ways, it’s discouraging to see motivation spike today and plummet a few weeks down the road. You all can grow up this year, that’s a resolution.
Touching back on last year’s unofficial “to-do” list, I still have yet to get all of those anti-smoking and ASPCA commercials off the television. That’s a big lion to tame, so here’s to hoping the problem eradicates itself. I also failed to get my Twitter handle posted on TV, but that’s an attainable goal that will be checked off in the next calendar year. I planned on making a dope GoPro video, and although that didn’t happen, TheEricHammer.com is approaching a major transformation into a multimedia corporation. Blogs, videos, vlogs, and everything in between. Big things. Also, we still haven’t found that plane. People don’t forget. I know I haven’t.
2015 was the year of the sheep and also 365 days of Eric. I spoke with the Chinese Zodiac Calendar people (stubborn bunch, by the way), and we agreed to push back the year of the monkey to make 2016 the year of the Eric. Here are some things to expect from me in the coming months and future in general:
Eat more fancy foods. I’ll be indulging in tartare, caviar, lobster, and scallops as frequently as possible. Fine dining only. Associate with more famous people. To be honest I’m looking to become someone’s right hand guy. Not like a servant or anything like that, just the guy who rolls with them everywhere they go. (insert famous name here) and I will be two peas in a pod. In addition, I’m looking to solve the sticker problem; when you peel a paper sticker off something and it barely comes off and you’re scraping away at it with your nail getting the glue on your finger and now the sticker really looks like shit. There’s gotta be a solution out there. Convince everyone that I’m a pro at riding hoverboards. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never been on one, just need to act like I have. Just because we’re the only house on the block without a hoverboard or a drone doesn’t mean anyone needs to know that. Blog more and blog better.