I blogged this last year, and I’ll probably do so again next year. Over the past 365 days I’ve grown significantly more intelligent. I’ve learned lots of new words for example, and I consider myself smarter today than ever before. But I still don’t know for sure whether or not this is real. I’ve heard Ellen likes to prank people and implement decoys/distractions into her bits, but in the spirit of the holidays, in the spirit of holy matrimony, and for all intensive purposes, let’s assume this is real. It’s probably not but let’s not be skeptics.
One thing that has remained true and will continue for the remainder of time is that you cannot propose to someone unless you’re absolutely certain they’re going to say yes. In addition to that, if you’re gonna do it in some public setting or massive platform like on the goddamn Ellen Show, there needs to be zero doubt in your mind that it’s going to be successful. If you put yourself out there like that and it backfires, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. The only people who fall flat on their face on national television are the ones who allow themselves to.
In contrast, any woman who rejects a public marriage proposal deserves no happiness for the rest of their life. Doesn’t matter if it’s a bum on the street corner; if you get proposed to in public, you say yes. You wanna go home and tell him you were only sparing him the embarrassment? Fine by me. But you can’t stab him in the dick like that in front of other people. Stab him in the dick, but on your own time.
A real bang up job by Ellen allowing that to drag on like it did. After the “I can’t”, you have to pull the plug and cut to commercial. Nope, not Ellen. She essentially pointed and laughed in his face and then blasted Christmas music like it was a celebration. That smirk she gives when the music is playing is salt in an open wound but makes me laugh out loud every time. I commend her for redirecting the attention to something positive, but the transition was hardly a smooth one. I think the kids nowadays would say that Ellen has “NO CHILL” (5 skull emojis).
I would imagine that man killed himself on the drive home. No other choice at that point. Happy Holidays.