That’s a fart like you read about. There has never been a fart like this fart, it was so perfect. The pre-fart side lean was absolutely textbook. The sound was so perfect, almost too perfect. Enough so to make me believe this was 100% real. If you google fart sound from now until the end of time, this is the sound you’ll find, Ditka’s MNF fart. Mike Ditka doesn’t have to fake farts. He’s a fart guy if I’ve ever seen one. Ditka doesn’t have to fake farts. That was as authentic as they come. Cris Carter knows it was real. America knows it was real. Think about how loud that had to be. There’s no mic on his chair, so that thing carried. And since we’re on the topic, Ditka’s farts have to be absolute room clearers. That’s a big man with a lot of testosterone built up for Monday Night Football, and I can’t even begin to guess what kind of food that guy inhales on a daily basis.
My chair at work is a noisy one. It’s not very broken in, so every time I lean back and forth it sounds like I’m farting. We work in very close quarters too so everyone hears it. Since I’m still the new guy nobody is going to say a word to me about it, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already earned the office fart badge. The chair is so loud that sometimes even I think I farted, so I know everyone else thinks that too. Could be a good thing though. I might as well let em rip now. They’re already thinking it, might as well not hold back.