Retiree Cashes In On One Direction Tickets…Again

They say it couldn’t be done. They say lightning doesn’t strike twice.  They say to walk away when you’re up.  Ha!  Well you know what I say?  Don’t touch the money!  Last year their baseball stadium tour made me a millionaire.  Selling tickets at 4x the price during the holiday season to rich dads with spoiled daughters was almost too easy.  But if it was too easy, everyone would have done it.  This year’s tour has gone up a notch into football stadiums.  Bigger stadiums equals more seats equals more tickets equals less demand equals less profit.  The average person doesn’t take that into account, and many of the ones who do probably elect to sit out due to the limited profitability.  However, when it’s all said and done, Harry and the boys put asses in the seats.  Where 1D goes, the girls follow and so does the money.  I’m proud to sit here today as a two-time success story.

Realistically I should have made a lot more money, but the lack of knowledge of basic economics hindered my performance.  When tickets cost $120 and people list them for $150, it’s impossible to make a decent profit there.  You can’t do business with stupid people.  I had fangirls trying to buy floor tickets for under $100.  I can’t blame them.  I blame the system.  The institution of education needs to launch economics classes by middle school because otherwise the ticket-flipping industry is headed down the toilet.  If everyone who bought floor tickets listed the tickets between $250-$300, then that’s where they would sell.  We need to work together to corner the market in the spirit of making money.  There’s plenty to go around for everyone.  Don’t throw it away.  Everyone got paranoid and worried they were gonna get stuck with the tickets so they dropped the price, and that was infuriating.  Patience is a virtue, and the money cycle rewards the patient.

Word on the street is the band is taking a year off.  Another brilliant PR move, just like the one where Zayn “left” the band.  Assuming this “leave of absence” is legitimate, when they eventually reunite, the next tour is going to break records previously set by themselves.  Tickets are gonna sell for thousands.  They’ll have even more bins at stadiums for girls to discard their wet panties after Harry serenades them.  Simon Cowell is truly a genius and a mastermind.  How about that fuckin guy huh?  He gets bored of heading the most popular show on TV (American Idol), so he takes 5 solo acts and throws them together into the greatest boy band of the decade, breaks them up for a year, and is going to put the pieces back together in 2016 and make gazillions.  That smug little British guy is running the entertainment industry right under our noses.

PS – The facts are out that Harry came to the Philly area a day early, the Villanova campus to be exact.  No days off for Harry, crushing pussy is a man’s game.

PS2 – This picture is absolutely hilarious.  Can “our grill guy” look anymore like a bum?  I would look like Harry Styles next to that slob.

 

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