The Wave Should Be Outlawed From All Professional Stadiums

The wave (aka the Mexican wave) is without a doubt the worst part about going to a game.  It’s worse than spending a thousand dollars on tickets and beers, it’s worse than watching the product on the field (maybe that’s just me), it’s worse than the hungover commute home, it’s just the worst.  It’s not fun, and it does nothing to enhance the game or the game experience.  The only thing it does is distract real fans from the game.  THERE’S A GAME BEING PLAYED.  It’s absolutely insane to think that people care about about standing up at the right time and throwing their hands in the air like an asshole more than watching the actual game.  Friday night the Mets were in a tie game in the bottom of the 8th with runners on base, and the fans were doing the wave.  Is that serious?  These are playoff games.  These games are must win.  Everyday is a grind for this team fighting for a playoff spot, and you’re gonna focus on the wave instead of cheering for a big 2-out hit?  Take a lap, you assclowns.

And the person who starts it should be lynched.  How can you call yourself a fan when you facilitate this act of immaturity and patheticness?  Most of the time it’s a grown man doing it too.  Standing at the front of a section yelling at everyone, counting down from 3, and repeating over and over again until it spreads around the stadium.  And once it comes back around they go crazy with some sense of achievement.  HELLO?!  Are we watching the same thing?  You’d rather see the wave make it’s way around the stadium than your team do well on the field.  That’s just how it is.  You made that choice, not me.  You made that bed, now lay in it, loser.  Again, there’s a game on the field, sometimes an important game.  It’s not a family picnic on the field, it’s a competition amongst men with high stakes.  Grow up for me, one time.  And the people who participate in it are no better.  How dare you perpetuate such a juvenile attempt at fan camaraderie?  All you are are enablers and bad fans.  How do you live with yourself?  You want all the fans to be united?  When the other team strikes out, stand up and clap and yell and high five the old lady next to you.  Tell the opposing team’s outfielder his mother is a terrible cook.  Tell the visiting fan that he has an ugly family.  That’s a real fan.

I make a motion to ban the wave from all professional stadiums.  Someone start a petition and send it to Congress.  Whoever does the wave should be thrown in jail.  Anyone who thinks it’s an “American tradition” can go fuck themselves.  Never once have I done “the wave” and not once will I ever do so.



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