CNN: “Now if you could please step on the scale, we need to check your weight.” A common request at your doctor’s office, sure. But at the airport? It’s about to become standard procedure for anyone flying with Uzbekistan Airways. In a recent statement, the country’s flag carrier announced it will weigh passengers and their carry-on luggage prior to flights to determine how much weight they’ll be adding to the plane.
Uzbekistan Airways hasn’t responded to CNN’s request for clarification on the new guidelines and whether overweight passengers will be penalized. Should it make the controversial move to charge fliers extra, it wouldn’t be the first time. In 2012, Samoa Air made global headlines by introducing a pay-as-you-weigh fare structure, which is still in place today.
Alright let me weigh in here… I think I speak for everyone when I say it’s about time. This is the start of a beautiful thing. First it’s a pay-as-you-weigh system, which is hilarious in and of itself. That makes sense, by the way. If luggage costs more over 50 lbs, why can’t there be a barometer for passengers? Next will be planes for fat people only. Nothing against people of hefty build, I just see this as a win win for all parties. The fat people won’t have to feel weird about taking up a seat and a half, as well as making it difficult for people to move around. And if they’re on a plane full of bigger passengers, they won’t be the proverbial elephant in the aircraft (pun intended). I would think that fat people love nothing more than being around other fat people. Snacks everywhere, not one iota of judgement anywhere, a real healthy environment if you know what I mean (maybe not the best choice of words).
The notion that this is a safety precaution is a crock of shit, that’s clear as day. It’s a money making scheme and nothing else. It should be interesting though at the airport because people generally don’t love stepping on scales. And people who are about to fly are way more concerned with how much their bags weigh. How many times have you seen people sitting on the airport floor with their suitcase open stuffing shoes into their carry ons because they eclipsed the 50 lb mark? And here’s a pretty picture: “Okay ma’am your suitcase is 49.2 lbs, so you’re good to go there. But you weigh 200 lbs, and that’s gonna cost ya!” Should go over smoothly. Imagine that happening in the US? No way that would fly (I’m on a roll with these puns, man).
I hate to say I told you so, but I basically told you so. The point is not to isolate fat people but instead make every trip (bus, plane, etc.) more comfortable for all passengers. So don’t twist this around to make it seem like I have something against fat people. I love fat people. Every crew needs a fat guy. Fat people are funnier than skinny people. Those are just facts. I sometimes wish I could be a fat person because I know I’d slay it. Here’s a quote verbatim from a blog written 12/04/14: “I have a solution that will make everyone happy. It’s called the Plus Bus. Fat people only, that way they have bigger seats/more room, and they don’t ride with the rest of us slimmer folk.” God damnit I need to stop giving out these gold mine ideas for free.