Indoor Water Park Approved In Atlantic City And You Definitely Won’t Find Me There

NJ: A redevelopment plan that includes the construction of two indoor water parks and a family entertainment center at a former boardwalk casino received approval this week from a state agency that regulates zoning and land use in the city’s tourism district. An affiliate of Pennsylvania-based Endeavor Property Group wants to build a roughly 81,000-square-foot indoor water park as part of the project at the former Atlantic Club site. The Press of Atlantic City reported the project could cost between $150 to $165 million.


So here’s the thing about indoor water parks.  They’re absolutely disgusting.  I don’t mean “I’d prefer not” disgusting.  I mean “I’ll have nothing to do with it” repulsive.  Just thinking about that gross, dirty, warm water makes me want to puke all over myself.  Outdoor water parks aren’t much better, but at least they see the occasional rainfall to partially-dilute the disease-infected cesspools.  The only reason I’ve tolerated Hurricane Harbor over the years is because I would go there with camp with a slight chance of seeing the hot counselors in bikinis.  And also I’m all about Lazy Rivers.  And because they have Dippin Dots.  Indoor pools at hotels should probably be quarantined.  An entire facility of pools and slides?  Yuck.  Poor people and hepatitis, what an excellent pairing!

And to make things worse, it’s gonna be heavily infested by residents of Atlantic City.  Not the most esteemed city in terms of its local population.* We’re not talking about an indoor water park in Orange County, here, but rather America’s Favorite Playground.  My stomach is in knots just thinking about the creatures that will spend money and time at this dump.  Despite my history of falling victim to the financial bully they call Atlantic City, I have a strong unconditional loving love/hate relationship with AC.  This is a serious knock for AC thought.  Major credibility points lost.  I guess when NYC ups their minimum wage to $15/hr, you need to make a power move to stay relevant.  You gotta play to your strengths.  Embrace the low class and open your doors for them to swim in the same body of water together!

*You’ve never seen the locals of AC until you’ve walked from your hotel to a convenience store at 5am.

 

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