Is The Sushi Burrito The Worst Thing To Ever Happen?

One of the things I love most about America is that we can adopt anyone’s food and call it our own.  We’re the best so when we decide something belongs to us, it belongs to us.  If the bully pushes you down at recess and takes your lunch money, tough shit.  Don’t be such a little bitch next time.  I basically consider sushi, pizza, and Chinese Food homegrown grassroots American creations at this point.  Innovation has infiltrated the food industry and has not looked back.  And I’m SO down with all these creative concoctions.  Pizza Hut is sticking mini hotdogs into the crust of their pizzas now, I mean come on.

But there’s a fine line between creative/different and over-the-top.  The sushi burrito is as over-the-top as it gets.  Word on the street is that the sushi burrito is going to be a legitimate thing all over soon.  People are going crazy over it, I’ve seen like three separate people post articles about it TODAY!  Three!  Sushi is not meant to be eaten with your hands.  Nor is it meant to be eaten on the run.  Burritos serve the exact opposite purposes.  The intent is for sushi eaters to go out to a nice, quiet, quaint, expensive restaurant and enjoy a nice meal.  I feel like I’m of important stature when I eat sushi.  You’re spending extra money for delicious seafood in the form of sushi.  You sit in a dimly lit room, you eat the sushi with chopsticks, and you convince yourself that the Japanese waitress understood every word you said even though both of you know that’s not true.  They’re supposed to be in small pieces.  They’re supposed to occasionally fall apart when you dip them into the soy sauce.

You’re not gonna dunk a burrito into a bowl of soy sauce.  And if I can’t dip my sushi in soy sauce then I don’t want the sushi.  There’s a sushi buffet near my house that I’ve heard pretty good things about, but I won’t go anywhere near that place.  I’ve got a strict “no sushi buffet” policy.  Maybe that’s completely different, but maybe it isn’t.  Maybe it all comes back to the point I’m trying to drive home that eating sushi is an experience.  It’s too sacred to be rolled up into a tortilla and consumed on the run and within a few minutes.

If we start eating sushi burritos, what have we become?  Setting back years and years of progress in this country.  One step forward, two steps back.  Sushi in burrito form is a savage and barbaric move that essentially equates us to cavemen.  If this becomes a reality it will be an epidemic that I don’t think America can climb out of.  This is how world wars start.  Remember Pearl Harbor?  Let’s not forget who we’re messing with here.

But maybe I’m the minority here.  I asked a few people to give me their thoughts on the “next big thing” and here are the responses I got:

“I can’t wait to eat one it looks unreal.  Sounds like the greatest thing ever.  I love sushi and I love Mexican so it should be dope.”

“I would definitely eat it.  It makes sense because there’s rice in regular burritos and in sushi.”

“I’m okay with them.  Hand rolls already exist at sushi places.  It’s basically the same thing just bigger.”

“Probably delicious, but not sure if it’s for me.”

“I feel like the thing about sushi is it’s better as bits.  Kinda like how mini Reese’s peanut butter cups are better as bits.”

“I don’t know if it’s a food that needs to be crossed…kind of a novelty and unnecessary.  If I want sushi, I eat it.  If I want a burrito, I eat it.  Having that much seaweed, that much raw fish, and that much rice sounds obnoxious and unnecessary.”

Clearly the last two are the only opinions I’ll take seriously (except for that Reese’s thing I’m not too sure about that at this current moment).  I got in a huge argument with my brother about this.  We might not even be brothers anymore to be quite honest.



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