NBC: Taco Bell and Pizza Hut have announced they’re getting rid of artificial colors and flavors, becoming the latest national food retailers to “go natural.” Instead of “black pepper flavor,” for instance, Taco Bell will start using actual black pepper in its seasoned beef. Taco Bell also said it will remove trans fats and high-fructose corn syrups from most of its menu by the end of the year. The chains join other big food makers who’ve made similar moves in recent months.
Sad day, folks. They’ve gone soft on us. I never thought I’d see the day where Taco Bell and Pizza Hut spat in my face, but here I sit, distraught, betrayed, spit all over my face. Companies all across the US have made attempts to “go green” over the years. Food chains everywhere have tinkered with recipes and menu items to offer a larger variety of healthy/healthier options. I, along with the rest of you strong willed warriors, have sat back quietly and watched everyone foam at the mouth at the very thought of kale salads and gluten free pizza. You’ve all cried about high cholesterol and fit fam and all that garbage for too long. And you’ve gotten your way. But not you’ve gone too far. We will not go quietly into the night!
A world without Taco Bell and Pizza Hut artificial flavors is not a world I want to live in. That’s part of the fun. When I think of Taco Bell and Pizza Hut, I think of grease, artificial flavors, and brief happiness superseded by stomach aches. Why on earth would anyone want to eat a Crunchwrap Supreme filled with real ingredients and natural flavors? Gross. The last thing I want in my Cheesy Gordita Crunch is actual, real, authentic black pepper. And to top it all off, the coup de grace, they have the audacity to eradicate trans fats AND high fructose corn syrups. I don’t even know who you are anymore! If we can’t trust Taco Bell to deliver on their artificially flavor-inspired core competency, then who can we trust?