Waka Flocka Flame Announces His Presidential Candidacy

Is there anyone better than Waka Flocka?  Not to run for president, just in general.  Can anybody confidently say they’re better than him overall as a person.  He’s way too happy all the time.  Last time we saw him he was having the time of his life reading 50 Shades of Grey.  Now he’s running for office, seeking the coveted title of POTUS.  If you remember correctly, he wanted to run back in 2012 but was disappointed to find that he couldn’t since he wasn’t 35 years old (technicality).  No joke, he could win.  He said it himself, it’s just him and Hillary right now.  All the people that may have voted for Hillary solely to get more exposure to Bill Clinton are the same people backing Waka’s campaign.  Waka Flocka just stole millions of Hillary’s votes.  “I don’t give a damn if we’re going to war. Fuck you, bitches!”  That’s as candid as candid gets.  We need a president who will call it like it is, who calls a spade a spade and doesn’t have time for political formalities.  He wants to legalize weed, and he encourages some personal blunt time, sure, but he cares about America’s youth.  Seriously name another president or candidate who said to finish your homework before you get high?  You can’t.

Banning dogs and animals from restaurants is one of the most ridiculous proposals I’ve ever heard; so ridiculous that it makes total sense.  I don’t want dogs barking while I eat my lunch, I don’t want to be around people who carry those little dogs in their purses, and I don’t want a president who’s okay with those things.  Waka ain’t down with that, and neither am I.  Banning people with feet over size 13 from the sidewalks is hilarious.  And I support it.  Learn Waka’s lyrics, or else you’re sanctioned back to 3rd grade.  Also hilarious, and I support it.  Nobody wears suits anymore anyway, but I need to know where I can find one of those “hot ass suits”.  If you’ve never envisioned the president “rolling one up and drinking a coffee”, you’re just lying to yourself.  Pretty reasonable campaign points if you ask me.

After that “women need respect” angle, I’m convinced he might run the table.  I don’t know who wouldn’t vote for this guy.  And if you didn’t wanna just hug him after his innocent “I hope I make it” plea, you’re better off relocating to Canada.  We don’t need that kinda negativity in the Waka Land.



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