First things first, Jaden Smith was the biggest asshole of the night. The mean jokes were all in good taste. Jaden Smith wearing a CAMELBAK is such a dick move I can’t even stand it. I blame the parents. Will Smith is one of the coolest guys in Hollywood, but how could he sign off on his dickhead son bringing a Camelbak to the Bieber Roast? I officially hate this kid, what a weirdo.
Pete Davidson was hysterical. Unlike most people, I actually knew who he was before last night, but he was a pleasant surprise to start off the night. The jokes about his dad dying on 9/11 were a bit off colored for my liking, but it’s his dad, his jokes. Also, the jokes about his complexion and unknown race were perfect. Ludacris was the least funny person of the night. I’m a huge Luda fan, but he was quite unfunny. Even when he was the subject of the other roaster’s jokes, he kind of acted like a wet blanket that couldn’t take a joke. Ron Burgandy was also not funny at all. I’m openly not a huge Anchorman fan, so my negative bias comes to play, but I don’t know if I laughed once.
The ladies sleighed it! I’ve never heard of Natasha Leggero until last night, but she was hilarious. All four feet nothing of her didn’t shy away from anything or anyone. And Martha Fuckin Stewart. 73 years old, suffocated by the smoke from Snoop Dogg’s blunts, taking an absolute beating from EVERYONE, gets to the podium and crushes it. Her dry sense of humor and emotionless delivery were refreshing. Her joke about Snoop being 43 and twice as old as most of his friends lived to be crossed the line and for that I applaud her. Martha brought the pain and laid down a hurtin. She gets an A+.
Snoop Dogg was the funniest of the night for me. Calling Ludacris Dr. Seuss was profoundly brilliant and laugh out loud funny. He’s the coolest person in the room, every time he walks into a room. Just so fucked up all the time, so hilarious all the time. Jeffrey Ross had no regard for what’s okay and not okay. Calling Shaq the original 2 Chainz because “that’s how he came to this country” was so unexpected and fucked up but still so awesome and hilarious. Talking to Shaq in grunt language was also laugh out loud funny.
Hannibal Burress blatently telling Bieber he didn’t like him was awesome. Like he genuinely dislikes Bieber. He’s a funny dude. And to dish it back to him, Bieber calling him “that Hannibal guy” was too funny. Bieber was hilarious. Up until his apology at the end, he was perfect. This entire thing was good press for JB, the apology wasn’t necessary, seemed overdone to be honest, but it is what it is. To be honest, there weren’t too many Bieber jokes that stood out, but he was a good sport nonetheless. I don’t think requesting to be roasted is usually how it works, but when you make it big time like that, you can bend the rules.
Probably left out a few things, but it was two hours of an onslaught of top notch comedy.
PS – Funniest joke of the night was during the intro when Kevin Hart asked Martha Stewart to keep her ankle bracelet on vibrate. I also liked when Shaq told Jeff Ross he had a body like a cafeteria lady.
PS2 – This picture is curiously unbelievable but also hysterical.