Zayn Malik Leaving One Direction Is The Biggest Marketing Scheme Of The Decade

When the news broke, I was distraught to say the least.  I’m deathly ill, I got a cavity filled this morning, so hearing that Zayn was leaving One Direction was not what I needed to turn this day around.  It’s not 1D without all 5 members.  Zayn is the gel that brings the band together.  He’s the third most important, right in the middle (behind Liam and obviously Harry).  But after a brief tantrum in my bedroom, reality smacked me in the face.  There is a 0.00% chance this is a permanent move.  This is basic PR.  Manipulating the media starts with giving them a story to chew on.  And while everyone makes a big deal out of it, they’re feeding right into the play.  It’s a distraction.  You gotta shake things up and make noise to stay in the media.  It’s brilliant marketing and PR 101.

I bet the guys are sitting back getting a huge kick out of this.  They’re probably ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing in layman’s terms) while everyone is scrambling around searching for the meaning of life.  Zayn says he wants to be able to relax like a normal guy.  Anyone who buys this rubbish is as gullible and foolish as they come.  This just makes him more of a superstar and less normal.  People this good looking can’t live normal lives.  That’s just not how it works.

When the band gets back together, and they will get back together, they’ll be bigger than ever before.  Ticket sales are gonna be through the roof.  Album sales will be astronomical.  The number of girls who bring a second pair of panties to concerts will triple.  The first show when the band “gets back together” will be the hottest ticket in the entire world.  “Gets back together” is in quotes because this is all a phony PR stunt to boost revenue.  And I couldn’t respect it more.  I’ll do you one better, this is great news for me.  I still have 1D tickets to sell by the end of the summer.  That leaves more than enough time for the guys to execute whatever plan they have in place.  And when that happens, I’m gonna make millions on my tickets.  Thanks, Zayn!

My tantrum was nothing compared to this girl.  Her world is shattered.  She literally can’t even right now.

 

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