What’s The Deal With Old Dudes Not Wearing Clothes In The Locker Room?

During my retirement/funemployment (yes, funemployment), I’ve made it a point to develop some new habits and hobbies for myself. Things that won’t come to an end should I decide to take my talents back into the workforce. I read every day; I read articles, books, TV guide schedules. You name it, I read it. No days off, no exceptions. Mental stimulation, try it sometime. I also got a gym membership. I run, I play basketball, I lift, I swim. Well, I swam once. I got water in my ear and it still hasn’t unclogged so I might be permanently deaf in my right ear. But I still would like to make swimming a commonly practiced hobby of mine.

The gym is a funny place, man. There are girls who take mirror pictures to show off their new yoga pants and/or their “gains” (I think that’s the term). There are also a ton of old people. The ones out on the floor usually have their shirts tucked in and their sweat shorts up to their mid-belly area. I think sweat shorts are a requirement for being old. I legitimately don’t even know where I would find them if I wanted them. But inside the locker room, the old guys have no rules. No clothes either. Just old, wrinkly, naked dudes everywhere. Listen, I get it. It’s a locker room. You gotta get changed, and in order to do so, clothes have to come off before clothes come on. That’s science. But discretion plays no role. The other day this guy walked out of the shower without a towel back to his locker. Butt naked, soaking wet, everything out in the open. You would think they would at least try to cover up. They don’t even face the lockers. Dick and balls slinging everywhere like it’s no big deal.

I’ve thought about it a lot over the past few weeks. I’m not some uncomfortable weirdo who can’t handle seeing a naked guy. But if you saw someone my age with no clothes in the locker room it would be weird, that’s just a fact. But it’s become accepted and expected to see old balls in the locker room. I’ve seen a lot of too much of old men in my recent time at the gym, more than a young man should. What I’m thinking is that you get to a certain point in your life, a certain age, where nothing matters. You do whatever the fuck you want, and you literally do not care. You develop a “I’m old, I’ve seen a lot of shit in my day, if I want to walk around naked I’m going to do just that” attitude. Either that or it’s just senility setting in. They don’t know what day it is, how they got to the gym, or that they’re not wearing any clothes. Maybe I’m being hypocritical, but that’s just how I feel. Maybe I’ll just start the naked trend amongst generation-Y men in the locker room and join in with the Greatest Generation mentality.

Just for the record, if anyone has any input on this subject, I’d be open to having a conversation. See, I’m not weirded out by it. I’m admitting that I’m open to having a conversation about naked old men in the locker room.


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