This is the first time this picture has reached the Internet. I am the first person uploading it. It’s not mine, nor does it matter who it belongs to or where it came from. What’s important is that we have a piece of gold on our hands. Let’s take a moment and appreciate this opportunity. You never really think about how something begins that ends up viral. It all starts at the beginning. Somebody has to start it. ONE person uploads a picture or video, shows their friends, those friends show their friends, and so on. I am that one person, and YOU are all my friends. So it’s time to share this picture, watch it get famous, and know that you played a pivotal role in something great. This is something you tell your grandkids about, something you put on your resume. Strap in.
I’ll paint the picture for you. Nevaeh (girl) is longing for a piece of Jesus (boy); I’m gonna assume his name is Jesus, not Juses.
Coming in hot! Nevaeh does not have time for small talk, no time for games. No nonsense, not even a little bit. Ultimatum for Jesus, right off the bat. It’s like when you get a text from a girl saying “Can I ask you a question?” Except it’s nothing like that because that’s always bad and in this case my man Jesus is about to be big pimpin in school and he knows it after one sentence, should he choose to accept. This is (apparently) his last chance to give Nevaeh what she needs, a little lunch time lovin. We all know a girl this young resorting to hail mary desperation tactics is always gonna be hooked on Jesus. She’s begging him for an answer, practically throwing herself at him. And Jesus is a smart man. He sees that. And even though he knows a chick this needy is crazy enough to give him a second chance down the road. But you don’t just ignore a proposal like this. You don’t split tens in blackjack when it’s a winning hand. Jesus knows he’s about to be a school legend. He’s going down in the history books for this. It all starts with kisses in the lunchroom. Next thing you know Jesus’s mom is gonna get a phone call from his teacher because he was getting a quick OTPHJ at recess. Then he gets a tattoo in middle school. Then he knocks up a teacher in high school. Damn it, Jesus, everybody is going to envy you! Girls are gonna want him, guys are gonna want to be him. There’s a fork in the road, and Jesus picked the right direction, a clear path to fame and victory.
But in all seriousness, is this not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? It really is an adorable plea on Nevaeh’s behalf to lock up Jesus for the rest of the school year. She’s so so desperate that this is the only thing she could think of to get his attention. A priceless love letter. Young love like you read about.
PS – A little nugget of advice for my dude Jesus. Once summer hits, ditch this chick. She’s crazy. And you can’t fake crazy. She seems nice now but she’s the one that ends up standing outside your window at night claiming to have “just been passing by”. Come the new school year, act like you’ve never met her in your life. By that time you’ll have already earned BOSS status in the halls.
All of my questions from now until the end of time will end in “yes or nah”?