Worst Flash Mob Of All Time At Our Very Own Freehold Raceway Mall

 

People still do flash mobs? Last time I checked that kinda thing was somewhat popular like two years ago. Some of them were pretty good I will admit. Some meaning the ones that went viral and were all over tv and talk shows and the Internet. Not ones like this. The Jewish Moms of Manalapan Marlboro and Freehold had a meeting and this was what they came up with. I got my hands on the minutes from that meeting, here are some of the highlights from the to-do list:

1. Hug every person in the room
2. Talk about flash mob
a) create more traffic in the middle of the already packed mall
b) sing a Hanukkah song that nobody knows/cares about
c) execute half-assed flash mob that includes zero dances at all

3. Discuss which department stores have the best deals in town
4. Hug everyone in the room (again)

It’s the worst flash mob ever, right? I’m not just imagining it, I can’t be. I don’t think I would ever participate in such a ridiculous act of social attention seeking, but I could plan a damn good flash mob. They literally did everything wrong. You start with one person singing. Then a second joins in, then a third, and so on, until soon enough all mobbers are involved. But they just had everyone starting to sing at once after that guy blew his horn (which is called a shofar by the way for anyone unfamiliar with the Jewish faith) like a clown. There needs to be choreographed dancing. I read that this was being planned five months ago. You’re telling me that they couldn’t squeeze out a few dance moves? Rubbish. Everybody needs to be in tune and on the same note; these losers were all over the place. Some mistakes during a performance are conceivable; this was painfully obvious.

And the most important thing of all. SING GOOD SONGS. It’s not that the organizers were all from a Jewish choir, rather the fact that nobody gives a fuck about Hanukkah songs. Ya gotta sing a fire flames song that everyone knows. If I walk past a group of people singing Hanukkah songs, I am not stopping to take my phone out and film, but instead continuing my walk right past them. And to follow up on this point, a flash mob is a one song maximum. You cannot do 2 songs, it changes everything. It’s gotta be quick, a real get in get out type of a job. Although perhaps the plan was to switch to the Christmas song if things went south on the opening number. But I may be giving them too much credit, no way they thought that far ahead.

Pathetic attempt all around. Job poorly done, ladies.

PS – How about this fuckin guy?

mall

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