I Am The Greatest Scattergories Player In All The Land

It’s been said multiple times before that I’m only great at a few things (ex. moving through crowds, Backyard Baseball, throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in my mouth). The list continues, but it’s a short list. I have a new addition to the list. I’ve always been great at it, but today I made the claim that I am the greatest in the world, and I standby it. The name of the game is Scattergories. There is nobody better, I cannot be beaten. Any letter, any topic, I’ll beat you. I’ll triple point you when you double point. I’ll argue to the death on illegal answers; I’ll argue so much that even if you still think it’s right, you’ll surrender because you know it’s not worth it.

A bunch of people at work we’re playing, I walked over mid-round so I could only observe and wait for the answers. Letter was E, topic was hobbies. This girl says European vacations. Nobody says anything, implying their approval of the answer. I had to say something, despite not even being apart of the game. I said that it was an illegal answer because she’s simply describing the vacation. Vacation is the hobby. If the letter was L she probably would have written Long vacation and thought that was a valid answer.

Another topic was famous females, one kid says Earhart, Amelia. Everyone jumped all over him because he used the last name. It was literally a unanimous disapproval of an answer that should have counted. I explained that it literally says on the boards that they write on that last names are fine. They were having none of it. I’m pretty sure one of them mumbled “we’re not playing like that”. I’m sorry what? What are you playing like? Do you just make up your own rules for everything? Do you put milk in your bowl before the cereal? Do you wear socks over your shoes? Do you put your left hand over your heart during the National Anthem? No, because rules are rules.

I get heated, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even playing and I’m worked up over it. I wouldn’t have lasted more than a round had I been actually playing. They’re probably the types of people to re-roll if they get a letter they don’t like. You can’t play a game like that with simpletons. Scattergories is a sophisticated game for the keen intellect. It’s a complex game for the complex mind. It’s a game I cannot lose at. I whole heartedly cannot remember a time when I did not win. If we go the distance (every card, both sides) and play by the rules (no repeat letters, no adjectives to describe something), I’ll prevail. If you think you can take down the champ, lets make it happen. I won’t shy away from any person foolish enough to challenge the top dog.

PS- I hate those little golf pencils they give you with that game. Pens or get out of my face.


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