I cannot believe this is what it’s come down to. The people of Twitter have spoken, out of their asses by the way, and now Eric has to come pick up all the pieces, as always. I didn’t want to do this. Do you think I like causing controversy? Do you think I like being the bad guy, the antagonist, the guy who always stirs the pot? Not even a little bit. But forgive me if I can’t keep quiet when a bunch of clowns come at me with these PREPOSTEROUS opinions. I respect the hell out of anyone who can form a passionate argument and stay loyal to it. But I respect myself way more, and I’m not gonna be made out to look like a fool. And it’s things like these that really get me going. They’re not little things either because the minor details make up the big picture. Let that one marinate for a second, that’s some philosophy for ya. That’s some tombstone engraving shit right there.
I have people coming at me left and right telling me that salt and vinegar chips are better than sour cream and onion chips. Of all the arguments I’ve been in, in 22 years, this is by far the silliest of them all. The fact that people even tolerate the salt and vinegar flavor is unfathomable. And to think some of those people rank those ahead of sour cream and onion is maybe the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever heard. Salt and vinegar supporters should be stripped of all snack rights from now until the end of time. As far as I’m concerned, they’re not even real people. I question their character and their morals. Their opinions on everything else are hereby tainted. Their parents and guardians owe me and explanation and an apology. Until the day this earth is no more, there will forever be a huge asteric next to their name, under any and all contexts.
Vehemently, I don’t think I like you as a person anymore. Salt and vinegar chips are absolutely an perpetually vile. In fact there is no worse flavor of potato chip and maybe anything else ever. They’re disgusting and unbearable. Sour cream and onion, on the other hand, are an absolute delight. They’re the best, plain and simple, unequivocally and uncontested. It’s night and day, apple and oranges. It’s not like comparing Coke to Pepsi or even blue cheese to ranch. This is an entirely new ball game. Sour cream and onion are the perennial top dog of potato chip flavors. They’re the finer things in life. They’re the Kobe beef of potato chips. The sophisticated pallets will naturally favor the sour cream and onion, whereas the simpleton’s pallets prefer garbage. They eat garbage because their opinions are garbage. Are their taste buds broken? Like do they have broken pallets? You almost have to feel bad for these people right? Almost, not quite. Can’t fool me. Just when you thought the empathy was coming into play, NOPE. I’ve used so many adjectives and metaphors and big words here that brain hurts. But passion is all about pain. God damnit that’s another tombstone quote. I’m on my game today.
Sour cream and onion chips are expensive taste. Salt and vinegar anything is trashy.
Sour cream and onion chips are the creme de la creme of chips.