The Worst Costumes Of Halloween 2014

Another Halloween in the books, another year where I failed to live up to my creative potential. It’s weird because I have so many ideas. My brain is constantly moving. It’s always working. I’m also a pretty good judge of costume quality also, but it doesn’t seem fair that I judge others on their costumes when I essentially neglected to participate in Halloween-related activities this year. In all fairness, I should praise everyone who put in the time and effort to create/buy costumes and wear the shit out of them. But that’s not fun. Here’s the worst of the worst:

Cats
I can’t believe girls still dress up as cats. They’re not even dressing up anymore, they’re just wearing black and putting on cat ears and MAYBE whiskers on their face. Why bother dressing up at all? Literally the most unoriginal Halloween costume in the history of All Hallow’s Eve. It does not count.

Minnie Mouse
Second most unoriginal costume. Black tshirt and ears, and boom, you’re Minnie Mouse. I saw probably 10,000 Minnie Mouses this weekend, and I hated every one of the costumes. A real friend doesn’t let their friend “dress up” as Minnie Mouse for Halloween. Also does not count as a real costume.

Devil
So Easy. There’s no effort needed to be a devil. There’s no outfit requirements. You just need red horns, that’s it. There has to be some kind of time commitment involved in a Halloween costume. You have to do SOMETHING to put together a decent costume, for the most part. None of the such applies to the ever so common devil costume. I’ll count this as a costume, but I am not happy about it.

The “Half-painted face”
I don’t even know what this is, but it was the new trend this year. I saw one picture, and thought it was cool. Until I saw that everyone was doing it. And it wasn’t even anything in particular. Like it wasn’t a costume, it was just face paint. It’s half a skeleton? What does that even mean? It’s at least a little different, so I’ll tolerate it. But I don’t like it. What are you? If I look at your costume and I have to ask what you are, forget it. As much as I respect anyone who can walk around with face paint on all day (because I don’t do face paint), I don’t respect this attempt at a costume anymore. It’s kinda cool, but it’s also not really anything.

Listen, I get it. It’s almost impossible to come up with a new costume idea nowadays. But ya gotta at least show me some effort. It can be simple, but it should be obvious and effective. For example, I was going to be Jake from State Farm. I was going to wear a red polo and the famous “khakis”, and put a name tag on my shirt. Little effort, but obvious and effective and also hilarious. Everyone loves Jake from State Farm. Nobody likes Minnie Mouse. It’s also different. Cats aren’t different. Clean it up, people. I don’t go all out on costumes like many people do, but my costumes are solid every time. And they’re somewhat original. Mark my words next year will be one for the books.

Also, the instagram captions for people’s costumes are AWFUL. Enough with the stupid quotes. If I see “bad girls ain’t no good, but good girls ain’t no fun” one more time, I’ll blow my brains out.

Oh another also. I have no problems with the school girl costumes. Will always be a fan.

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