The Far East Strikes Again! This Time With The New Black Burger!

EliteDaily: What the hell is going on in Japan? I don’t really know… but, I do know that Burger King Japan now has a burger with black buns and black cheese. And it looks weird. The burger is called the Kuro Burger. The buns are made from bamboo charcoal. There’s a sauce made from squid ink. And there’s black cheese, also made with bamboo charcoal. I’m not really sure who would want to put this in their body, but it sure is interesting to look at. How does one even make black cheese? The burgers will be available for purchase sometime this month. So, if you find yourself in the land of the rising sun, make sure to indulge in a black burger.

What the FUCK is that? This is a perfect situation where the “less is more” strategy should take role. There may never be a better opportunity to use the “less is more” move in fact. You know what people do with food that’s black? They throw it in the garbage. When you burn cookies and they’re black, you toss em. When bananas are too ripe and the skin turns black, you toss em. Nobody wants black bamboo charcoal bread. Nobody wants black squid ink sauce. NOBODY wants black bamboo charcoal cheese. You use charcoal to cook food on top of you assholes! That’s what you are, assholes. This is as asinine a move as I have ever seen.

What are you doing?? Why do Asians do things like this? You don’t see anyone in the Western Hemisphere or in Europe making Black Burgers. Nobody in the modern world would even think up such a PREPOSTEROUS idea. The Far East is in a different universe as far as I’m concerned. You got Chinese people wearing bondage porn leather sun masks, and now we’ve got the Japanese making bamboo burgers. Get out of my face with this thing. I’m not normally one to group Japanese and Chinese people together (I’m not that ignorant), but it’s hard to argue some of the similarities in their tactics and actions. I mean come on.

As long as this nonsense stays on the other side of the world from me, we should be fine. You stick to your bamboo charcoal and I’ll be fine here with my happiness and my freedom. Why? Because America. That’s why.

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