Guest writer back at it for a few tips and tidbits for the fall as we hit the dog days of summer. The weather is getting cooler and hours of sunlight are getting thinner. This anonymous writer has provided some quality thoughts in blogs past, and they’re back at it again here. The identity of the writer isn’t as important as the message they are sending. It’s not all fun and games here at TheEricHammer.com. We look out for our homies.
With summer quickly coming to a close (none of that equinox bullshit, we all know it’s over after Labor Day), I have come back to bring some of my top 5 fall tips to help all of you peasants get through it the CORRECT way.
1. Stop wearing Sperrys and Boat Shoes.
Sure you can get away with it for a little bit longer, but so help me god if you are still wearing them in October I will find you and I will give you a swirly. There called Boat shoes for god sakes, and I don’t know about you but I don’t see many people on Boats during this season in the North East. There are plenty of better options like a nice pair of desert boots for the men and a nice riding boot for the ladies out there. Just think about someone drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte while wearing Sperrys. It’s just fucking ridiculous. (Eric’s Note: If you’re gonna wear Sperrys, make sure you look fly. This applies for all seasons.)
2. SMOOTH TRANSITION, Pumpkin Spice Latte
It is honestly just inevitable. BITCHES LOVE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES. And I have heard that there will be an even early release date. All I know is that it is a perfect first date to bring a girl to Starbucks cause you know she is gonna be happy no matter what you say while she’s drinking that cup of pretty much Unicorn Piss. Not much else to say here. Except for guys to whisper that shit if you are really gonna order it. (Eric’s Note: Full disclosure I’ve never had pumpkin spiced anything but the thought of it makes me warm and fuzzy inside.)
3. Watch Football every Sunday, start/continue to watch the NHL, MLB playoffs
It is the best time of the year for sports. Football and Hockey are back, and the MLB is over (just kidding, but we all know that most people start watching that shit when the playoffs come on). If your team is not in the MLB playoffs, just pick the most ridiculous team to follow and/or ONLY watch the World Series. If you do not watch football every Sunday please move out of the United States. And just a tip for the few adventurous people out there, try watching some hockey. This does not mean to pick a team and go to social media and pretend like you are an expert or lifelong fan. Keep that shit to yourself. And of course, Fantasy Football but if I really need to expand on that please refer to the punishment above for wearing boat shoes in October. (Eric’s Note: Football season is awesome.)
4. Fireball and Angry Orchard
The fall drink to get bombed. Angry Orchard and a splash Fireball. Not only is it delish, but it will get you HammDaddy’d. Prime tailgate drink to keep you warm and toasty. (Eric’s Note: Ahhh the old chase your alcohol with more alcohol. LOVE that move.)
5. Finally, stop complaining about the seasons
Listen we all know that Summer is the absolute TITS, but taking to social media and complaining about the cold all the time does not make it come back faster. No one likes that shit. Of course everyone has their obligatory “it’s colder that Frosty’s Balls” tweet, but do not make that shit a weekly occurrence. The Northeast is beautiful for all seasons, except for maybe early spring cause that shit is just bananas. Enjoy the fall and the trees, celebrate the winter holidays, furrow your brow for spring, and take your top off for summer. (Eric’s Note: I don’t know what “furrow your brow” means but it sounds funny.)
I hope this helps you and your preparation. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. Cause I am right, and you are wrong.