New Invention To Avoid Messy Hands While Eating Wings aka I’ll Pass

 

EliteDaily: Imagine being able to devour messy foods like buffalo wings, cheese fries and potato chips without getting your fingers dirty and creating a mess. What if we told you there’s a way to make that happen?

They’re called Trongs, and they’re here to help you successfully knock out that batch of ribs without looking up from your plate. There’s no reason the best foods in the world should be the most annoying to eat. Thanks to these incredibly weird, finger-condom-looking things, we don’t have to worry about that anymore. You can buy a 12-pack for $19.95.


What a bunch of garbage. Potentially the worst invention in the history of bad inventions. I’ve never seen such a slap in the face to such a classic American favorite. Let’s get a few things out of the way before I go on. Is it an inconvenience to keep cleaning your hands and licking your fingers when you eat wings/ribs? One thousand percent. But that’s part of the deal. When you order wings, you’re checking your rights at the door. When you order ribs, your time is fully invested in that meal, the eating, the hand cleaning, etc. It’s a commitment, and it’s not for everyone. I take my buffalo wings very seriously. They’re my favorite food. I’d even consider myself a connoisseur. Part of the deal is that if you enjoy a plate of buffalo wings, you’re gonna have to spend a little extra time cleaning up after. Tough shit.

Every single line of this article is as idiotic as I’ve ever seen. “Imagine being able to eat wings without making a mess?” That’s the point! They go hand in hand. “The best foods shouldn’t be the most annoying to eat”. Umm have you ever eaten corn on the cob? What about crabs? I can go all day with more annoying foods to eat.

The bottom line is that buffalo wings are supposed to be messy. So are ribs and cheese fries as they mentioned. That’s just how it goes. You want wings, you’re getting a mess with it. It’s your basic 2-for-1. What’s wrong with just keeping a ton of napkins on the table to clean your hands when you please? That’s how it’s been done for years, since the beginning of buffalo wings. I am so offended by these “Trongs” it’s not even funny. TERRIBLE name by the way. Very fitting though, for a terrible product. If you’re gonna eat wings or ribs with these stupid things, you might as well not order at all. It’s no different than eating pizza with a fork and knife. It’s the wrong thing to do.

This is basically the same thing as those Stufz Burgers except way worse. Messy foods are supposed to be messy. If I’m not asking the waitress for thirty extra napkins to clean my face and hands of buffalo sauce and blue cheese, then I’m not eating wings at all. How about that? It’s fun to eat these foods and have difficulty doing it. When I get an ice cream cone and the ice cream starts dripping off the sides, oh man what an adrenaline rush. That’s the shit I live for. It’s a job, a job I enjoy doing. I am out for so many reasons. Get out of my face with this stupid thing. Ever hear the phrase “don’t fix what’s not broken”? Fuck that with an AIDS dick.

PS- 12 for $12.95? Take a hike.

 

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