Remember Baseball Player Dmitri Young? Well He Lost Like One Million Pounds

NBC Sports: During his 13-year MLB career Dmitri Young was one of the largest players in baseball, often struggling with his weight while being listed at 6-foot-2, 295 pounds.

Now he’s 40 years old and Young not only slimmed down in an effort to deal with his diabetes, the man nicknamed “Da Meat Hook” shocked people with how skinny he looks while saying hello to some friends at the Reds-Nationals game in Cincinnati game over the weekend.

Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post passes along quotes from a radio interview in which Young said he’s currently 205 pounds and “did it the right way” by “doing a lot of cardio” and then, once some of the weight came off, “working out” more seriously.

Which leads me to my next point, kids. Don’t. Smoke. Crack.

Are you kidding me with this? If that’s Dmitri young, then consider me Miles Davis. If my diabetes you mean serious coke/crack/most likely heroin addiction, then sure, I’ll buy it. But get real for a second, get this out of my face. Let’s all close our eyes for a moment and drift off into a fantasy land, a fictional place where beating your wife actually results in a real punishment, where airplanes always arrive at destinations safely, and where everything you read on the Internet is true (example: This).

I will admit I literally didn’t even know he was still alive. I don’t remember him retiring. So theoretically he could have made a quiet exit, well somewhat quiet considering his heavy foot (fat joke), and just didn’t eat for the last few years. But “Doing a lot of cardio” could be the funniest quote of any man to date. Article says 295, but I’m reading 320 elsewhere. THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY POUNDS! And just for the record, that man is NOT 205 lbs. That is 175 absolute max. That’s like half his body. That is not the result of “working out more” or doing it “the right way”. That is the basic cause and effect of a committed relationship to narcotics. I could break this little pipsqueak in half. Look like a stiff breeze would blow him over (Morgan Freeman voice).

Why do fat people not stay fat? You gotta embrace that shit, man. You lose more than your weight, cankles, love handles, rolls, etc. You lose your edge, your spark, your calling card. Jonah Hill, prime example. Got skinny, became less funny, has since made efforts to become fat/funny again. When D.Young opens his eyes, he will be soon to follow. Shit, he could come back and probably hit 20 homers as a DH and just walk the bases. I hear the Yankees need a bat. I’d bet any amount of money he relapses into the only life he knows, the fat life. Fat will always be fat (refer to his BACON tshirt).

Don’t want that hat. NEED that hat.




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