Dude Goes For Circumcision, Promptly Awakens With No Penis

Metro: An Alabama man has filed a lawsuit in which he claims he went for a circumcision and woke up to find his penis had been removed. Johnny Lee Banks Jr. claims he went in for a routine circumcision at Princeton Baptist Medical Center and his penis was mistakenly amputated by surgeons. The lawsuit, which Banks filed with his wife Zelda, says that the man was never provided with an explanation as to why his penis was removed and was not warned that the circumcision procedure could result in an amputation.

‘When the plaintiff awoke from his aforesaid surgical procedure, his penis was amputated,’ read the lawsuit. ‘The plaintiffs never gave consent for the complete or partial amputation of his penis.’ The man named the hospital, two clinics and two doctors as the defendants in the lawsuit, saying they were negligent in failing to seek assistance when difficulties arose during the procedure.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the man’s wife has claimed loss of consortium.


 

Ahh the old “ask to get part of my dick chopped off and wake up with no dick at all” scenario. Don’t you just hate that happens? That’s why I refuse to go under the knife. Reminds me of Shameless when Frank went to get his liver replaced (mind you, in a sketchy warehouse basement by a man less than qualified to say the least) and woke up without his kidney. Classic mixup. Crazy unexpected shit can happen in surgery. You go in for a routine surgical process, and you wake up an hour later like Ciara. Not really ideal. If I ever have to get surgery where I’m put to sleep, I’m gonna slip one of the doctors a $50 and tell him to just kill me if anything goes wrong.

Pretty nice of the wife to file for loss on consortium instead of just leaving him for another man, you know, who has a penis. I give the wife 1 year tops. She might need the D more than him. You have to assume she wrestled with that moral dilemma for a bit right? Cause she needs a penis in her life, but I guess you gotta cut your husband a break when he gets his dick “mistakenly amputated”. Isn’t that phrase great? Suing for compensatory damages seems pretty moot, no? Unless they can somehow give you a new, bigger, fully functional, circumcised penis, you come out the loser in this scenario I’d say. Either that or like a gazillion dollars.

Put your self in the shoes of the surgeons. Assuming it wasn’t some twisted elaborate plan, that had to make for a pretty awkward mid-surgery scene. Someone’s hand slips and a limp, flaccid dick just flops onto the once-sterile floor. Heads go up and side to side, looking at the other doctors waiting for someone to laugh or speak or whatever. “Okay guys, lets just up the anesthesia and have the morphine ready. Oh and let’s pretend this didn’t happen, alright gang?” Lol.

Would you rather be homeless or dickless? Sleep on it.

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