Hey, Ernie From Billy Madison, I’m Onto You


Let’s get one thing straight. I am Team Ernie more than you could ever imagine. I grew up wishing I had a loyal friend like Ernie. I mean when Billy was nervous on his first day of third grade and said “Man, I’m so nervous. First and second grade were easy, but Social Studies? Division? This is gonna be tough!”, Ernie remained cool, calm, and collected and responded with a simple, witty, “Relax, dude”. When Billy made Ernie call Miss Vaughn and ask her if she had a boyfriend, if she liked anybody in class more than a friend, and if she would ever go out with someone in class, Ernie obeyed. Even when he expressed his disinterest, he was ordered by Billy, and Ernie obliged, because that’s what friends do. You gotta feel for a kid who pisses his pants on a school field trip. That would be the hands down the worst thing to ever happen to me if that happened. I would end my life on that field trip, wouldn’t even take the bus home.


Ernie was kinda a dick to Billy from the get go. Sure, his kind words helped Billy relax on his first day, but he is also part of the reason Billy got dragged out of class (by his ear) on day one. Ernie’s “cut it out, dude, you’re gonna get us in trouble” is way too loud. When you’re trying to avoid being heard by the teacher, you whisper. Ernie basically screamed that. He was way louder than Fat Dan who can’t read. Miss Vaughn heard Ernie say that to Billy. So why was Ernie so loud? Why didn’t he just nudge Billy and quietly tell him to be quiet. Granted, Billy’s outburst seemed inevitable. But EVERYONE in that classroom heard Ernie, and that easily could have and should have been avoided. I dunno man, seems a little sketch to me. Ernie did prove himself a steadfast and devoted sidekick and friend, but his first impression has me a little uneasy. I’m onto you, Ernie.

Side Bar: How Billy had Miss Vaughn’s phone number is quite possibly the greatest mystery in cinematic history.



One thought on “Hey, Ernie From Billy Madison, I’m Onto You

  1. Ernie didn’t get Billy in trouble when he got drug out by his ear by miss vaughn…billy mae fun of a little kid for not being able to read very well !!!

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