Best Of Manalapan Residents Facebook Group: Part 6

We were blessed with a boat load of material this week. Working full time has taken a lot out of me. It’s really nice coming home to see that Manalapan hasn’t changed one bit. After a long day’s work, sitting down, putting my feet up, and relishing in the ridiculousness that is the Manalapan New Jersey Residents page has become apart of my evening routine.

mpan

This is textbook Attention Craving 101. Keep your petty problems to yourself. I can’t help you with your dog problems. It also is not at all important the weight of your dog. My family has never owned a dog, but I’m pretty sure the grass is where you would want the dog to be. Where does Linda’s dog shit? Driveway? Front porch? Maybe Linda should have to shit outside.

 

mpan2

Behind drinking and driving, texting a driving is far and away the worst thing you can do in a car. I don’t condone it at all, and I don’t disagree with Jill. But “It’s not worth having ur husband tell ur kids that u died while on the phone” is a little harsh right? Let’s try to keep it PG. I know these people don’t spare any details, but this is over the top. Jesus Christ lady, just say don’t text and drive. Holy moly.

 

mpan3

If you haven’t rode on someone’s roof you haven’t lived. Let me live, Liz! CrAzY!!

 

mpan4

Nothing too funny here. Just thought everyone should know that your boy is a proud Yellow Duck alum. They molded me into who I am today, so the credentials are pretty legitimate. Except that they used to rat me out to my mom because I would always try to throw away my lunch and just eat dessert. Bunch of snakes. But we have since put that behind us.

 

mpan5

I hate to be a stickler, I really do. But if you say you are cleaning up tornado damage, then that means the tornado damage is a direct result of a tornado, meaning a tornado happened last night. (Side note, there was no tornado.)

 

mpan6

This isn’t serious is it? I’m literally fascinated by hypnosis, can’t wait to be hypnotized one day. But I’m pretty sure it’s to make people think they’re really hot or really cold or really tired. Seeking a hypnotist to help you stop smoking boagies (we’re in Manalapan, we call them boagies) is RIDICULOUS.

 

mpan7

Idk Best Buy? Apple store? Idiot.

 

mpan8

Awesome, thanks (See above for Attention Craving).

 

mpan9

Nobody likes the grammar police. Take a hike, babe.

 

mpan10That’s what I’m talkin about! This is the imagery we need! I can see it now, driving down route 9 watching Gene beat the shit out of some guy in the shoulder for the world to see. “Twist you into a pretzel” is my new go-to threat by the way, I’m calling dibs.

 

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