BroBible: Gonna have to read the article to get FULL descriptions.
Meet Double-DMV’s, a strip club/lounge attached to the Department of Motor Vehicle. Just think, most strippers have names like Mercedes and Ferrari anyway, so we bring them in and boom the DMV is instantly 10 times or 4 breast sizes better. Tag line: The Only lines you’ll see at Double DMV’s are the bikini lines on our strippers.
The solution, a dating site where you only post throwback Thursday pictures and you call it Throwback Thursdate. Lets be honest, the ONLY reason people really go on dating sites is to avoid the impending doom of being single at age 65 with no kids.
A strip club/guacamole restaurant called Avocadhoes, where the best guacamole is complementary with every lap dance. All money lost on avocados will be recovered and then profited on from the lap dances. I know, I know, you’re thinking “another strip club,?” but come on boobs and guacamole, who wouldn’t love that combo. Tagline: The guacamole isnt extra but the lap dances are.
Welcome to MalnutrinkedIn, a LinkedIn type website that links Instagram food pics to starving children in 3rd World countries. Omg, you just posted a pick of your spicy tuna rolls on Instagram and hash tagged foodporn? Guess what, I live in a 1st world country where I can have access to that same sushi in 15 mins. Unless you belong to weight watchers or have some weird sexual fetish for food, that ain’t porn. But to starving people in 3rd world countries, a picture of a cheeseburger and fries would be the biggest arousal possible.
So this article was written a year ago today, saying how these products/services don’t yet exist but could boom into the market within the next year. Here we are one calendar year later still waiting. Let’s break it down:
Double DMVs is brilliant. Nobody likes going to the DMV for anything. It’s inconvenient and a straight up nuisance. The employees are miserable making your experience that much more difficult. Now if there were strippers and chicks in bikinis there to keep me occupied, that’s a whole different story. Instead of wondering how long it’s gonna take to get my car inspected, I’m gonna be wondering which girl is gonna take off her clothes next. Sign me up.
Throwback Thursdate is a terrible idea, which essentially makes it a great idea. The concept of only posting old pictures of yourself is so retarded and just counterproductive. It says an ongoing epidemic of dating websites is site members posting old pictures of themselves to deceive the potential suitors. So we want to have everyone only post old pictures? This is worse than being catfish’d. You literally have no idea who you’re looking at because all you see are pictures of them when they’re 10 years old. This is how rape and abductions happen. Soon enough you’ll get some teenage posting recent pictures of themselves and you’ll be thinking they’re of age. Next thing you know you meet up on a date. Then you go to jail. And for that reason, IM OUT.
Avocadhoes is like Turtle’s Limhoes startup in Entourage. Seems like a good idea first glance. I’ll tell you why it’s a good idea. Because strip clubs are strange places. I’m going on record saying I’ve been to a strip club two times in my life thus far. It’s not a bad time by any means, but it’s not something I want to make a habit or tradition out of. It’s more of a spontaneous “lets go to the strip club because it’s 2pm and we’re bored” thing. When you’re there, it’s uncomfortable at first. Not everyone wants to just start throwing money at the stage in the first few minutes. You gotta ease into it. So instead of sitting around the outside like a schmuck, if I could occupy myself with some chips and guac I’m going to. I’m gonna act busy until I’m ready participate. And as far as the lapdance goes, if a girl is gonna feed me guac mid dance I’m gonna lose all my money. That’s straight up seduction right there. But it’s all for the cause. I’m in.
Malnutrinked-In, let me tell you something. I’ve heard wise people say they can tell instantly when something is a hero or a zero. I’d like to think I’m the same way. This is 1000% a zero. No upside, no potential. I don’t even think I understand what it is, and I can’t even pronounce it. The mouthful alone has me a little apprehensive. But basically you wanna tease starving kids in third world countries with pictures of delicious food? You wanna give little Malik blue balls by showing him a steak and seafood dinner that he hasn’t even dreamed of? Fucked up man. And also, they don’t have any food, thus they don’t have computers or Internet access you dumbass. For that reason, amongst many others, I’m out.
Innovative ideas like these are just like Dippin Dots, the ice cream of the “future”. There is no future, it’s never gonna happen.