This List Of Top Ice Cream Truck Treats Is Pure Garbage. So I Made A Real List.

Thrillist: Back in the day, hot American Summers meant a few things: the inevitability of camp, talking cans of vegetables, and ice cream trucks playing jaunty tunes. Every time that telltale song was heard, it stimulated a flurry of decision-making instantaneously: do I get the Sonic the Hedgehog popsicle? Or a Choco Taco? Or maybe something even better — if there is such a thing? Like it or not, there was a definite hierarchy to the offerings of any ice cream truck, and we’ve laid out the spread as obviously as a popsicle stick joke penned by a six-year-old.

23. Scribbler
22. Spongebob Squarepants (and any other character)
21. Bubble Play
20. Klondike Bar
19. Screwball
18. Ice Cream Sandwich
17. Strawberry Shortcake
16. Sundae Cone
15. Chocolate Eclair
14 Toasted Almond
13. Firecracker
12. Cyclone
11. Rainbow Pop
10. Banana Fudgsicle
9. Snickers Ice Cream Bar
8. Lick-a-Color
7. Fudgsicle
6. Orange Creamsicle
5. King Cone
4. Snow Cone
3. Pop Up
2. Choco Taco
1. Chipwich

There’s a 0% chance one person wrote this article. This author is as phony as it gets. What kind of monster has tried 23 different things from the ice cream truck? Sure, over the years you experiment with new items and whatnot, but you basically order the same few things every time. Can’t fool me, pal. Let’s go down the line. I’ve never had a Spongebob Ice Cream, but to diminish every character is just not fair. Um have you ever had a wrestling bar? Also, no Great White Shark anywhere on this list, what an abomination. No Candy Center Crunch? Laughs. Ice Cream Sandwich at 18? What are this guy’s credentials? As far as I’m concerned this clown’s credibility is in the toilet. What an idiot. There are not 13 better ice creams than the Toasted Almond. I’m pretty sure the alleged Banana Fudgsicle is totally made up. Lick-a-Color WOW what a throwback, what a classic! Snow Cone maybe most overrated thing in the world, it’s just ice with juice at the very bottom. Despite bringing back some phenomenal childhood memories, this list stinks, plain and simple. When you’re a kid, you create fantasy lives for yourself, dream job included. I wanted to be an ice cream man (still do basically). I had a poster in my room that had different flavor ice cream cones. I’m basically THE Ice Cream Man. Self-proclaimed that title may be, but I know my ice cream, trucks especially. You want a real list from a real ice cream fanatic? Fine. A perfect list it may not be, but my credentials have been proven over 22 years of ice cream eating.

5. Ice Cream Sandwich

As American as apple pie. Probably the first ever ice cream sandwich, hence it’s name. Putting it at 18 is a disgrace and an insult to ice cream eaters everywhere. It’s the same thing every time, and it’s great every time. Simple, yet delectable. It’s even great towards the end when the cookie/cake part starts to get soft and all over your fingers and you have to lick your fingers to get them off. Also, is it cookie or cake?

4. Cookies and Cream Cup

This may not have always been on the menu, but for as long as I can remember this was maybe the best seller. Always a little more expensive than everything else, but that never tripped me up. Gotta eat it with one of those stupid wooden spoons that they have at the doctors office. Best bang for your buck, hands down.

3. Chipwich

Such a classic. Probably the most popular ice cream treat ever next to the ice cream sandwich. Unlike any other circular food, I think, the only way to eat it is to eat around the outside first. Gotta guarantee yourself a mouthful of chocolate chips for the first few bites. If you don’t love arguably the pinnacle of ice cream truck products, get the hell out of my face.

2. Banana Frozefruit

Bit of a wildcard here. I’ll admit I have an biased emotional attachment to these because my grandmother and I used to eat these all the time, but they’re as good as they get. Refreshing and delicious. Who doesn’t love bananas? Like there’s actual pieces of banana in it. That’s awesome.

1. Creamsicle

The Creamsicle is the culmination of ice cream treats. Absolutely top notch and unmatched. I have an unhealthy obsession with Creamsicles actually, but it’s not really my fault. The trucks just don’t carry them anymore, which just fuels my fire and feeds my longing desire for the orange and creamy goodness. You get the acidity and sweetness from the frozen orange exterior, and you get the richness and creaminess of the vanilla ice cream interior. Ever had Boylan’s Creamsicle soda? What about orange juice and Pinnacle Whipped? You’re welcome.

How about that unbelievable annoying song the trucks around here play? Like when the music stops and that bitch yells “HELLO???” But for some reason it’s just so captivating. Nothing will ever beat this though…

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