I Would Kill To See Someone Trapped In the Bear Pit At The Zoo

Here we are watching Anchorman last night and I tell my friends how awesome I think it would be to be at the zoo when someone is trapped in the bear pit or the tiger pit or some threatening situation. My friends all looked at me in silence with pure disgust and shock on their faces. Wow Eric that’s so fucked up dude! No it’s not. It’s exciting. They don’t have to fall in, they can climb in themselves because they’re a certified lunatic. Doesn’t matter to me. Obviously I’d be pulling for the person to make it out alive, whether that be due to an outside rescuer or them defeating the creature whom they face. But it would be so sick to be standing up top watching a person face to face with a bear. The zoo is supposed to be a happy place. You’re supposed to go home and tell your family and friends what a great day you had and what animals were the best and which of them were the funniest. Nonsense. There’s no better story you can tell at the dinner table than the one about the guy who fell in the bear pit at the zoo and somehow escaped unscathed (or was mauled to pieces). It’s a story so compelling and so captivating that you automatically have everyone’s full attention. And that’s how it starts. You have one great story to tell people and you become an idol to them. You tell a story like that and people are gonna wanna know more. You can even tell them that you were the one who saved the guy! Play the hero role, embrace the hero role. But there’s no denying that being a spectator for something like that wouldn’t be wild. What an adrenaline rush that would be, that’ll get you jacked up.

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