This is happening right under our noses! Nobody seems to notice and nobody seems to care. The evidence is real. I mean we got planes fucking disappearing. We’ve got UFO sightings. The craziest weather of all time. Extreme temperatures, one day it’s 115 the next day it’s negative 20. 30 inches of snow just falling down everywhere, monsoons that last a whole week. Every day there’s another deadly earthquake somewhere. There’s mudslides everywhere. There are sinkholes everywhere. Up until a year ago I’m pretty sure sinkholes didn’t even exist, now there’s people just falling into the earth like no big deal. People are shooting up schools like it’s laser tag. You got countries in total anarchy. Egypt almost burned down, Ukraine is in absolute shambles. Taco Bell is serving breakfast for Christ’s sake! There’s athletes making up faking girlfriends and grabbing every national headline. You got people like Pink basically stealing millions of dollars year after year and getting away with it. There’s big time celebrities dropping like flies left and right. You got trains derailing and killing people like twice a week. There are ice cream trucks that don’t carry Creamsicles anymore. What is happening?! There’s cookie dough-flavored Oreos! It’s just chaos! These are all obvious red flags, and everyone seems to be either completely oblivious and naive or they’re just turning a blind eye to the madness. You can lie to me all you want, but you can’t lie to yourselves anymore! It has to stop!
We’ve been on a downward spiral for years and the human race refuses to admit it. We’re all done, time to realize that. The entire world is in a state of bedlam and the people that can’t admit it are the first targets when the aliens finally invade. And they’re easy targets too. I for one am ready to switch sides, to join the enemy, and to harvest this planet and WIN. I want to be a winner. If that means turning my back on society for my own well-being, so be it. I’ve been waiting for an alien invasion for too long, it’s time. Everyone else is ready to play defense should an invasion ensue. You’re all too busy eating healthy and doing crossfit. You think the aliens need crossfit? Not even a little bit. You guys keep doing your calorie counting and your hot yoga while I prepare for an attack. If you need me I’ll be busy scoping out locations for possible alien headquarters so they’ll welcome me with open arms.