I’ve Decided Not To Participate In The “Assigned Seats At The Movie Theater” Movement

That doesn’t mean I am not going to the movies anymore. What it means is that I will sit where I choose to sit at the movie theater. And I really don’t think I will have many problems with that. If my “seats” are in the front row, I don’t want to sit there. I don’t wanna sit in A2, I want to sit in H5. So I plan to get to the theater a little early, before the majority of people show up, allowing me to essentially pick whichever seat I choose from the lot. Nobody is gonna start a big fuss in the movie theater, it just won’t happen. They literally cannot raise their voice or yell at me to get out of their seat because, remember, it’s a movie theater. If you talk, you get dirty looks and nobody likes you, plain and simple. If they show up before the movie starts and before most people arrive and ask me to move, then I’ll move, no worries. Touche to them for flipping my plan on itself. If they take the time to get there early enough, I respect that, and I will proceed to move over to someone else’s seat, a seat not near the front row. Once the lights go off, all bets are off. Nobody is gonna make a big scene in the middle of the movie theater, they will be the ones getting berated and asked to quiet down or better yet get the fuck out.

I compare this to someone showing up to a baseball game in the 4th inning and expecting to sit in their seats. No chance. No, you go and sit where I was supposed to sit. You show up an inning late, that’s fine, things happen. There’s no excuse for showing up in the 4th inning, and there’s no reason why you should be treated like all of the responsible patrons who were aware enough to make arrangements to not show up over an hour late. You wanna come late? Fine, your punishment is to sit in poor people seats. Your unoccupied seats are now fair game to all, it’s an unwritten law of the game of baseball. Always has been, always will be. But for the movie theater, I have logic and common courtesy on my side. When you enter a movie theater and it’s dark and the movie is about to start or has already started, you do so quietly and with respect to everyone else. If someone’s in your seat, you sit somewhere else. I think assigned seats at the movie theater is as dumb as it gets, and I refuse to obey these nonsense regulations that AMC Loews so rudely instilled across the country. I am sticking it to the man! And I am going to beat the system. Loophole City.

Quick tip: when the movie starts, check out the handicap seats. Odds are if someone needs those seats they’ll be there well ahead of time.


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