Confession

It’s time to get this off my chest. It’s time people know about this secret, giving me a fresh start and a clean slate. It’s confession time.

I have mixed feelings about scary movies. Most of them I think are stupid and don’t want to waste my time watching them, and that’s the truth. It’s not about the potential fear, it’s the fact that I don’t think my time is worth wasting on exorcism movies. My time is more valuable than that. But when I do watch scary movies, I get into it. I get scared. When things jump out, I jump. When I hear a sudden loud noise, I don’t like that. When someone turns around or when the camera moves and there’s a person in the background, I BUG OUT. I wanna get the FUCK outta there. I’m like Jamie Kennedy in Malibu’s Most Wanted. I try to stay a step ahead of the horror. I eye down the doorways like a hawk, waiting to see something appear before everyone else, before my brain even allows itself to become scared. But I don’t think that’s all that uncommon. People get scared watching scary movies, if you don’t you’re a liar.

But the real confession is that when it changes from a night scene to a day scene, I wanna do a little dance. On the inside, a huge sigh of relief comes over me. When a scene transitions, I pray that there’s daylight in the next scene. Bad shit happens at night and in the dark. I want to get through these movies as fast as possible most of the time. I don’t wanna act like a little bitch and not watch the movie, but when I watch I want as many day scenes as possible. I want the daytime scenes to last forever and the night scenes to go as fast as possible. When a scene in the dark ends and the next scene is during the day, I become ecstatic. But I’ll tell you what, when there are scary day scenes, those are the worst. Bad daytime scenes are the WORST. I think the concept of Paranormal Activity movies are ridiculous and stupid, but they have scary night scenes and scary day scenes, you can’t escape! Signs, mostly night scenes. I can’t wait for those to be over so I can get back to Mel Gibson talking shit about extraterrestrials during the day. Most of the time, rule of thumb is day time is good time, safe time.

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