My Name Is Eric, And I Have A Problem

I am an addict. I wake up every morning and crave it. I can’t go an hour without it during the day. I literally don’t know what to do with myself when I don’t have it at the ready in my hands. I cannot sleep without getting my fix. But every time I do, it’s incredible. I get an adrenaline rush like you cannot imagine. My craves are satisfied, and it just feels right. We ain’t talkin about cocaine, we ain’t talkin about blowing oxy. We’re talking about something brand new, something that is just starting to make some noise in the streets, something that everyone will be into very soon. What I’m talking about is Deer Hunter 2014, the number one upcoming iPhone/Droid game.

I’ve never shot a gun in my life, aside from laser tag, the occasional water gun, and my friend’s paintball gun in his backyard once. But I think that’s what makes this game so exciting. Sniper Rifle? Shotgun? Assault Rifle? Pistol? How about all 4. I don’t know how to explain it, but upgrading your sniper rifle and infrared so you can shoot a Black Wildebeest 200 yards away right in the neck is a feeling that’s unparalleled. Kill 2 Mature Silvertip Bears with “lung shots”? No problemo. This morning I was killing caribou left and right. The black bears don’t stand a chance. The rhinos don’t stand a chance. The elephants might as well just kill themselves when I have my rifle in hand locked and loaded. I’ve become a monster. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like who I’ve become. I’m quickly on the rise as one of the biggest baddest hunters in the world. The thought is scary, but I welcome the power with open arms. Side note, I really do like animals. I think it’s fucked up that people just kill animals for fun. But I’ve gotten so good at shooting deer in the face that I feel obligated to test out the waters in real life. We can start small, ducks, quail, I don’t care. But I don’t see how I could lose.

Thank you all for listening to my story. I’ve been addicted now for almost one week, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

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