This is dead serious. My friend, who will remain anonymous (FOR NOW), willingly revealed last night that he “rarely wears deodorant”. I don’t even know if I can call him a friend anymore. At first I figured he was joking. And then I thought he was just exaggerating, figuring he doesn’t wear it all the time but most of the time, which is still pretty insane. But then he gave me full disclosure. He said he rarely wears deodorant because he “doesn’t need to”. He claims he “doesn’t smell” and “doesn’t feel dirty” so he “doesn’t find it necessary”. In his defense, I haven’t ever thought he smelled bad, but that’s water under the bridge. Would it be okay if I just stopped wearing pants because I “didn’t find it necessary”? Would it be okay if ESPN just stopped recording SportsCenter because they “didn’t want to”? Bro you gotta wear deodorant. It’s way beyond not smelling bad. It’s way more about smelling good. Do you wanna live your life trying to make sure people don’t hate you or would you rather try to get people to like you? No brainer. “Oh I don’t smell bad, and I don’t get pit stains so fuck it right?” Wrong. You gotta take care of yourself. You need to take a few extra minutes to make sure you look good and smell good. Would you rather be next to a person who just smells like person or a person who smells like clean person? Dude if you can’t afford it I’ll buy it for you. He’s probably the kind of guy to just drown himself in Axe because he thinks it will suffice. He also claimed that “he showers twice a day so he’s definitely clean”. I almost feel bad for him, the kid is stuck in LaLa Land. Get a clue. Get deodorant. We can sample all of them, roll on, gel, spray, whatever. But until then, just know that I cannot trust you, nor do I want to be around you.
PS – Old Spice Swagger, you’re welcome.