Royal Baby, Yawn

Right off the bat I’ll say this is all because I’m jealous. I’m mature enough to admit it. And it’s not “those are awesome sneakers I wish I had them” jealous. It’s more like “this kid is already the fuckin MAN” jealous. But I already hate him. I hate that we don’t know his name yet. I hate that he was born at like noon today, and within SECONDS he was already way cooler, way richer, and way more powerful than me. This kid is 3rd in line to the THRONE OF ENGLAND. I hate that we weren’t notified until 4 hours after. I hate that we won’t see pictures until probably Thursday. Why are we still waiting for the name? I hope he gets a stupid name, but whatever name he gets will instantly become a great name. I would hate myself if my name was Albert, but Prince Albert, 3rd in line for the throne, is basically music to anyone’s ears. 0% chance it’s Albert by the way, that’s a pussy name. This kid is going to CRUSH life though. Wait until he’s old enough to start getting into trouble. But he’s never gonna actually get in trouble. He’s gonna make the Biebs look like a little angel. Fuck. Wait till this kid gets the throne, he’s gonna be like Joffrey, just beheading people because why the fuck not. Quick lunch break, fuck a hooker, kill a man, have your men kill his men, and get on with your day completely unscathed and unharmed. What a life.

As for his name, the smart money is on “Louis” (25-1). That’s only if you enjoy winning though.



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