I ran a 5k this weekend, lucky to be alive

Big weekend. 6 hour drive to spend time with family and run a 5k race, then spend more time with the family, then drive 6 hours home. It’s a major commitment, but I figured hey why not. This is the 4th year of the race, the first 3 years I have disappointed myself and my fans. However, I always break out to a big lead. Seriously, after the first 100-200 yards I’m always in front and then fall back to the rest of the people who are out of shape.

I know my abilities better than anyone. I will be the first person to admit that I peaked athletically in middle school. In 8th grade, I was a dominant athlete, and then everyone else got tall and fast and I plateaued. I did not get slower, contrary to belief. It only seemed that way because everyone else hit major growth spurts. Don’t get it twisted. Some sports I will always be good at however like minigolf, shuffleboard, Knock Hockey, Foosball, and horseshoes. You know, sports that matter. I’m also always going to be good at Galaga, Snood, and Scattergories. Sure they’re games and not sports, but try best not to cross my path in those.

As for the race, I know I let a lot of you down, especially my number one fan, myself. But I gave it my all, despite the terrain, the heat, and all of the other factoring elements. I should have just ran with the kid with the “Running Sucks” tshirt, that kid had the right idea. I didn’t win the race, and I didn’t beat my brother. But I did beat my dad, who talked a lot of shit about how he runs all the time and whatnot. And I got to celebrate my 28:40 time with a blueberry cherry snow cone, so there’s that. All of the evidence is in the video, I just drip determination. And did I say I was going to win? Not even a little bit. I don’t exactly know what that finger to the mouth move at the finish, I think I blacked out at the finish and it was just a natural body reaction. No excuses, none.

PS- Those 7:30am dance moves were incredible, so much rhythm.


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